Easter!...a few days late

Yes, I realize Easter was several days ago. I was in too much of a pain medicine fog to form any kind of thoughts. Slowly, I'm coming out of the fog.

Back to Easter. This year, Easter was different. This year, Easter meant more. I wish I wouldn't have just gone through the "Easter" routine for the past 18 years. You know the routine. Buy new clothes, eat a big lunch at home, get Easter baskets, have an Easter egg hunt, oh and you get to wear white after Easter. For so many years, I've just gone through the motions. During church I'll listen to the sermon and think about the Resurrection, but once church is over, I'm mostly focused on the earthly things that we do on Easter. I hate that I've taken it for granted so many years.

Last year, Easter meant more because my mom and I were at my doctor in Reno, Nevada. We had been there for a little over a month by then. I was too sick to go to church and the rest of my family was back home in Oklahoma. There was no big Easter lunch because I didn't feel like eating. So last year, I thought more about the true meaning because I was unable to do the normal activities.

This year, on my 19th Easter, I was more thankful for Christ's resurrection than I have ever been. Because Jesus rose from the dead, death does not have the final say! Because Jesus rose from the dead, I will see Rebecca again! Because Jesus rose from the dead, you and I, and anyone else who accepts Christ will LIVE! Death has no sting! Death has no victory! Jesus conquered sin!

Before Rebecca went to be with Jesus, no one that close to me had passed away. Sure, I know lots of people who have gone to Heaven, but no one as close as her.
Ever since she went to Heaven, I've noticed so many songs that talk about Christ conquering the grave, and death having no sting! I still can't believe how I have missed that my whole life. Here are parts of songs that talk about that.

I Will Rise
"Jesus has overcome
And the grave is overwhelmed
The victory is won
He is risen from the dead 

And I will rise when He calls my name
No more sorrow, no more pain
I will rise on eagles' wings
Before my God fall on my knees
And rise
I will rise"


Mighty to Save
"Savior, He can move the mountains,
My God is Mighty to save,
He is Mighty to save.
Forever, Author of salvation,
He rose and conquered the grave,Jesus conquered the grave.


In Christ Alone
"There in the ground His body lay
Light of the world by darkness slain:
Then bursting forth in glorious Day
Up from the grave he rose again!
And as He stands in victory
Sin's curse has lost its grip on me,
For I am His and He is mine -
Bought with the precious blood of Christ.

No guilt in life, no fear in death,
This is the power of Christ in me;
From life's first cry to final breath.
Jesus commands my destiny.
No power of hell, no scheme of man,
Can ever pluck me from His hand;
Till He returns or calls me home,
Here in the power of Christ I'll stand."


Glorious Day
"Living He loved me, dying He saved me
And buried He carried my sins far away
Rising He justified freely forever
One day He's coming, oh, glorious day, oh, glorious day"


Because He Lives
"God sent His son, they called Him Jesus
He came to love, heal, and forgive.
He lived and died to buy my pardon,
An empty grave is there to prove my Savior lives.

Because He lives, I can face tomorrow.
Because He lives, All fear is gone.
Because I know He holds the future,
And life is worth the living just because He lives.

How sweet to hold a newborn baby,
And feel the pride and joy he gives.
But greater still the calm assurance,
This child can face uncertain days because He lives.

Because He lives, I can face tomorrow.
Because He lives, All fear is gone.
Because I know He holds the future,
And life is worth the living just because He lives.
And then one day I'll cross the river,
I'll fight life's final war with pain. 
And then as death gives way to victory,
I'll see the lights of glory and I'll know He lives.


Because He lives, I can face tomorrow.
Because He lives, All fear is gone!
Because I know He holds the future
And life is worth the living just because He lives!"




Here are some verses about the Resurrection. 


"I am the resurrection and the life. He who believes in me will live, even though he dies; and whoever lives and believes in me will never die." John 11:25-26


"Where, O death, is your victory?
Where, O death, is your sting?”
The sting of death is sin, and the power of sin is the law. But thanks be to God! He gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ." 1 Corinthians 15:55-57

"Why do you look for the living among the dead? He is not here; he has risen!" Luke 24:5-6

"Now if we died with Christ, we believe that we will also live with him.  For we know that since Christ was raised from the dead, he cannot die again; death no longer has mastery over him. The death he died, he died to sin once for all; but the life he lives, he lives to God." Romans 6:8-10


"We believe that Jesus died and rose again and so we believe that God will bring with Jesus those who have fallen asleep in him." 1 Thessalonians 4:14


As two of my friends and Rebecca's mom and sister took flowers to Rebecca's grave on Easter, we were able to smile and laugh because we know this isn't the end. Because of Jesus conquering sin and death, we know that Rebecca is alive and well in Heaven. Because of Jesus conquering sin and death, we know that one day, we will be reunited with her when we meet Jesus face to face.

Everyday is a day of rejoicing because Jesus has overcome death and sin! Praise God! I'm thankful that I now have a new perspective. I am able to really appreciate what Jesus has done for us. Since Rebecca went to be with Jesus, a day hasn't gone by that I haven't thanked God for Christ's resurrection. I won't be able to live life the same now, and for that I am thankful.

"Because He lives, I can face tomorrow!"

Great quote

"When you feel like you're drowning in life's situation, don't worry. Your life guard walks on water!"

A couple quick thoughts.

I'm doing better than I was last week. My pain is mostly controlled with the new pain medicine. Yesterday, I didn't take scheduled doses of pain medicine so that I could see if I could get off of it. However, the pain came back which led to a restless night with lots of pain. I'll try again soon.

A month ago today Rebecca went to be with Jesus. It seems like so long ago, but also like it happened yesterday. I miss her so much, but I'm praising God that she's safe with Him-cancer free. I can only imagine how joyful and peaceful she is.

I don't like when people say someone lost their battle to the disease if they pass away from it. Christ has overcome everything. If they were a Christian, they actually beat the disease when they went to Heaven. If they were a Christian, the disease didn't win. Those people who know Jesus and pass away battling a disease are finally free from it! Diseases can't win. Diseases don't have the final say. Death doesn't have the final say. Jesus conquered them!

I can't remember if I posted this song already. I heard it for the first time the day after Rebecca went to be with Jesus. I love it. It makes you think about how you live each day. 


Live Like That by Sidewalk Prophets
"Sometimes I think
What will people say of me 
When I'm only just a memory
When I'm home where my soul belongs

Was I love
When no one else would show up 
Was I Jesus to the least of us
Was my worship more than just a song

I want to live like that
And give it all I have
So that everything I say and do
Points to You 

If love is who I am
Then this is where I'll stand
Recklessly abandoned
Never holding back

I want to live like that
I want to live like that

Am I proof
That You are who you say You are
That grace can really change a heart
Do I live like Your love is true

People pass
And even if they don't know my name
Is there evidence that I've been changed
When they see me, do they see You 

I want to live like that
And give it all I have
So that everything I say and do
Points to You 

If love is who I am
Then this is where I'll stand
Recklessly abandoned
Never holding back

I want to live like that
I want to live like that

I want to show the world the love You gave for me
I'm longing for the world to know the glory of the King

I want to live like that
And give it all I have
So that everything I say and do
Points to You 
If love is who I am
Then this is where I'll stand
Recklessly abandoned
Never holding back

I want to live like that
I want to live like that"


I love the part that says "when they see me do they see you?" When people look at me and my life, do they see Christ? Do they see that even in the hardest times, I have hope and joy through Christ? Does everything I do point to God and glorify Him? 

A few pictures

Here are some pictures from recently. 

This was on Feb. 26th on my birthday. So glad that Rebecca got to come. That made it the best birthday ever. 

If you need to cook dinner while doing an IV, don't worry! You can just hang the bag above the oven!

I'm not sure if I ever mentioned it, but we got a new dog a couple months ago! Her name is Charlie and she's around a year old. She's a chocolate lab and is very sweet. She and Tucker are now partners in crime. 

Charlie and I outside one day. Squirt Jr (my IV pole) got to join us outside.  

All the flowers are gorgeous right now. 

March 10th, 2012. The presence of God.

Saturday, March 10th, 2012. Three weeks ago today. The day God called Rebecca home. It's a day that I will never forget. I felt God's presence like never before.

The night before was like any other Friday night. I stayed up pretty late, so on top of my sleep meds, I thought I would sleep through the night. Early Saturday morning, as in 2 or 3am, I woke up and was wide awake. I had a strong feeling that I should pray for Rebecca. I couldn't get her off my mind so I layed there and prayed. The rest of the night, or early morning technically, I was very restless and didn't sleep well. God needed me praying more than I needed sleep.

When I got up for the day, around 10am, my dad told me that Rebecca was taken to the hospital around 2am (the same time I woke up and prayed) and was put in the comfort care room. I didn't really know what that meant, but I got dressed as fast as I could and drove to the hospital. I couldn't get there fast enough and probably sped all the way. I was getting more anxious to see her. On the way to the hospital, I was listening to music and one of the songs that came on was "I Will Rise". This has been Rebecca and I's favorite song for a couple years, maybe even since we were diagnosed (She was diagnosed with cancer a month after I was diagnosed with Lyme). As I listened to the words on the way to the hospital, I had no idea that God would call Becca home that same day.

"There's a peace I've come to know 
Though my heart and flesh may fail 
There's an anchor for my soul 
I can say "It is well" 
Jesus has overcome 
And the grave is overwhelmed 
The victory is won 
He is risen from the dead 

And I will rise when He calls my name 
No more sorrow, no more pain 
I will rise on eagles' wings 
Before my God fall on my knees 
And rise 
I will rise"

"Blessings" also came on.

"We pray for blessings
We pray for peace
Comfort for family, protection while we sleep
We pray for healing, for prosperity
We pray for Your mighty hand to ease our suffering
All the while, You hear each spoken need
You love us way too much to give us lesser things

'Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops
What if Your healing comes through tears
What if a thousand sleepless nights
Are what it takes to know You’re near
What if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise


What if my greatest disappointments
Or the aching of this life
Is the revealing of a greater thirst this world can’t satisfy
And what if trials of this life
The rain, the storms, the hardest nights
Are Your mercies in disguise" 


I didn't know that later that day, I would really understand what this song means. "What if Your healing comes through tears" would take on a new meaning.  


I parked and walked through the hospital as fast as I could. I prayed all the way. I prayed for her comfort and peace. When I arrived on the 10th floor, I asked the nurses where the comfort care room was. They all had a painful look on their faces as they pointed me to the room. From the outside it looked like a normal hospital room. However, it was not.

When I entered the room, I didn't even have a chance to see Rebecca before her parents came and hugged me. We all cried together. That was when I finally understood that she would be with Jesus soon. We hugged and talked about how she would be pain free and at peace in Jesus' arms very soon. She would be healed forever. She deserved it.

Her parents then gave me the opportunity to spend time alone with Rebecca, and tell her that it was okay to be with Jesus. She needed to hear it from me. I hesitated at first, but only because I was scared. I knew it would be the last time on earth that I would talk to her alone. But then God gave me the strength and peace that I needed. Her family left the room, and for the last time on this earth, it was just me and Becca.

I sat by her and rubbed her arm so that she would know that I was there. I'm sure that she could hear us, she just couldn't respond anymore. Tears fell as I told her that it was okay to go to Jesus. Those were some of the hardest words I've ever said. I truly meant those words, but letting her go was hard. I reassured her that I would miss her so much, but that I will be okay until I saw her again. She and I have talked about Heaven so much in the past 3 years, so I talked to her about Heaven. How there will be no more IVs, pain, nausea, PICC lines, ports, medicines, needles, blood tests, CT scans, surgeries, hospitals, and wheelchairs.

I told her how thankful I was that God chose us to be friends. That verse in Philippians 1:3, "I thank my God every time I remember you" has never been more true. I told her that. We'd been through everything together since we were diagnosed. We both agreed that getting sick was worth it since we became friends because of it. Our friendship was one of a kind. I reminded her of that. Most people with a chronic illness have to go through it alone. We were blessed to have each other.

As I sat by her, I kept reassuring her that it was okay to go with Jesus when He called her home. I told her that I would see her soon. God gave me the words to say to her and the strength I needed to say them. I am so very thankful for that precious time with her. I'll never forget it.

After I spent time alone with her and everyone came back in the room, we spent hours sitting by her, reassuring her that we were there and that it was okay for her to go be with Jesus. As I sat by her and rubbed her arm, I couldn't help but think what was going on in Heaven as they got ready for her arrival. They prepare for you and then welcome you. Jesus said He's preparing a place for us. Wow. "You will receive a rich welcome into the eternal kingdom of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ." 2 Peter 1:11 

As the time grew nearer and nearer, I couldn't stop thinking about what was going on in Heaven as Rebecca got closer to home. I can't speak for anyone but myself, but it seemed like a peace came upon the room. Enough peace that we could tell her to go be with Jesus. Enough peace to talk about what she was fixing to experience in Heaven. Enough peace to be able to smile while talking about Heaven. Enough peace to laugh at things we love about her. 

Later that afternoon, there came a time when everyone just knew that she would be with Jesus very soon. We all gathered around her and then the nurse took the monitors off. She always hated those monitors! We held each other and her uncle led a prayer. Around this time, it started to rain outside. Becca loved the rain, and it seemed like Heaven was crying with us. Our eyes were fixed on Rebecca and God. "For we have no power to face this vast army that is attacking us. We do not know what to do, but our eyes are upon YOU.” 2 Chronicles 20:12b

What was going on in Heaven at that moment? Her parents kept reassuring her that it was okay to go be with Jesus when He called her home. They told her that she had fought so hard, and that it was time to be with Jesus.

At 5:31pm, Rebecca received eternal healing and peace in Jesus' arms. With her last breath, I felt a moment of peace. "She fought the good fight, she finished the race, she kept the faith." 2 Timothy 4:7


I then truly realized that with her final breath, she was with Jesus. I felt closer to God than I ever had. One minute she was with us, and the next she was literally in Jesus' arms.

I know that God was holding us all in that comfort care room. He was present. I could feel it. He was there to take Rebecca home and give us peace and comfort.

"The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit." Psalm 34:18 

That peace continued, but then the sadness came. Sadness that she was not here anymore. Sadness that she wouldn't be here to go through life together as you and your friends plan. We all cried together and held each other. There became a special bond with the people in that comfort care room when Becca was called home. 


After many hugs and tears, we all left the hospital that night and started a new season of life.


I've never experienced two, such strong emotions at once. Peace and grief. How can they exist together when the grief is so strong? Only through God. Without Him, we would just be grieving. "Brothers, we do not want you to be ignorant about those who fall asleep, or to grieve like the rest of men, who have no hope. We believe that Jesus died and rose again and so we believe that God will bring with Jesus those who have fallen asleep in him." 1 Thessalonians 4:13-14


The only reason we have peace in this time is because of God. There is nothing in this world that can bring peace right now. Nothing. But because of God, we have a peace that passes all understanding. Because of God, we have peace because we know we'll see her again. Because of God, we have peace because we know she is pain free and cancer free in Heaven! Because of God, we have peace because He promises to carry us through each season of life.


Being with Rebecca when God called her home was one of the most powerful experiences of my life. It's incredible that we were with her when she met Jesus face to face. I felt so close to God. Immediately I had a new perspective of Heaven. It became really real. 

I still have that feeling of awe that I can't describe about that day. She fell asleep and left this world and entered into Heaven. She saw Jesus face to face with her last breath. She received eternal healing and peace in Jesus' arms.

But we miss her so much. We are human and selfish and want her here. We'll never be the same. Our lives won't go back to normal for a long time. This season of life is not easy. But if God gave us peace and comfort through the hardest day of our lives on March 10th, 2012, He will get us through this season and every other one.


A couple songs that are perfect right now.


"Praise You in this Storm" by Casting Crowns


"For You are who You are
No matter where I am
And every tear I've cried
You hold in Your hand
You never left my side
And though my heart is torn
I will praise You in this storm
But as the thunder rolls
I barely hear You whisper through the rain
'I'm with you'
And as Your mercy falls
I raise my hands and praise the God who gives
And takes away

"With Hope" by Steven Curtis Chapman


"This is not at all how
We thought it was supposed to be
We had so many plans for you
We had so many dreams
And now you've gone away
And left us with the memories of your smile
And nothing we can say
And nothing we can do
Can take away the pain
The pain of losing you, but ...

We can cry with hope
We can say goodbye with hope
'Cause we know our goodbye is not the end, oh no
And we can grieve with hope
'Cause we believe with hope 
There's a place where we'll see your face again
We'll see your face again

And never have I known
Anything so hard to understand
And never have I questioned more
The wisdom of God's plan
But through the cloud of tears
I see the Father's smile and say well done
And I imagine you
Where you wanted most to be
Seeing all your dreams come true
'Cause now you're home
And now you're free, and ...

We have this hope as an anchor 
'Cause we believe that everything
God promised us is true, so ...

We wait with hope
And we ache with hope
We hold on with hope
We let go with hope"

I'm so thankful for being able to be with Rebecca the day God called her home. I can't wait to see her again. 


"Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, for he who promised is faithful." Hebrews 10:23

"No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us.  For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord." Romans 8:37-39

"Homesick"

This song has been on the radio for as long as I remember, but when I heard it the day after Rebecca went to be with Jesus, I finally understood it. 

"Homesick" by Mercyme

"You're in a better place, I've heard a thousand times
And at least a thousand times I've rejoiced for you
But the reason why I'm broken, the reason why I cry
Is how long must I wait to be with you

I close my eyes and I see your face
If home's where my heart is then I'm out of place
Lord, won't you give me strength to make it through somehow
I've never been more homesick than now

Help me Lord cause I don't understand your ways
The reason why I wonder if I'll ever know
But, even if you showed me, the hurt would be the same
'Cause I'm still here so far away from home

I close my eyes and I see your face
If home's where my heart is then I'm out of place
Lord, won't you give me strength to make it through somehow
I've never been more homesick than now

In Christ, there are no goodbyes
And in Christ, there is no end
So I'll hold onto Jesus with all that I have

To see you again
To see you again
And I close my eyes and I see your face
If home's where my heart is then I'm out of place

Lord, won't you give me strength to make it through somehow
Won't you give me strength to make it through somehow
Won't you give me strength to make it through somehow
I've never been more homesick than now"


I am so thankful for the promise of Heaven. I am so thankful that I will see Rebecca again. I am so thankful that she is safe in the arms of Jesus. I am so thankful that Jesus conquered death and that death has NO sting anymore! I really don't know how people get through this without God. He is what gets us through another minute. He carries us and sustains us. I'm so thankful for that. But it is so hard that she isn't here. Harder than I imagined. So I am clinging to God's promises more than ever.

"Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, for he who promised is faithful." Hebrews 10:23

"Let's keep a firm grip on the promises that keep us going. He always keeps his word" Hebrews 10:23 (Message)

Memories

A few of my favorite memories with Rebecca...

• Getting snow cones every Sunday afternoon.
• In the winter when snow cone places weren't open, we got icees from gas stations
• Being able to talk to each other about things that no one else understands
• We both got handicap parking stickers. So even when we wouldn't exactly need to use them one day, we still did. And when we got out of the car, one of us would either walk really slow or walk with a limp so that it looked like we actually needed to park in handicap. 
• Having medical contests. When we would either get an IV, shot, port accessed, or anything that bled afterwords, we would look at the piece of gauze and see if the blood was in the shape of a heart..if ours was, we would get a point. I think she won! It was close though. We would take a picture of it and send it to each other to prove it really was a heart...
• Driving each other around when one of us couldn't drive because of medicines or sickness. 
• Having "parties" while everyone else was in school. Our "parties" involved lots of medical things, but we had fun no matter what. 
• Eating lots of food that our doctors didn't want us to have.
• Texting crazy medical stories to each other
• Becoming addicted to every tv show together. We've discussed therapy for our tv addiction.
• Going to get the most random food at the most random time because one of us was craving it
• Watching medical shows and diagnosing people on the show faster than the doctors 
• Having deep talks about life and our faith
• Sending encouraging verses or quotes to each other
• Being "rebels" by watching tv shows that our parents probably didn't want us to watch..and no, I'm not telling which ones! We promised not to tell!
• Not having to say anything when we were together. We just understood what each other was going through. We could go hours without having to say anything.
• Watching tv all day long in our pajamas 
• Telling each other stupid things that people have said to us during certain times

These are just a few memories that come to mind. There are so, so many. 

What I miss and will miss the most:

• The understanding that we had about what each other was going through.
• Being able to have fun and laugh no matter what. It didn't matter if it was in the hospital hooked up to IVs and monitors. We were able to find something to laugh about.
• Talking to each other about things that you can't talk to anyone about. 
• Not worrying about little things that most people worry about.

I am so thankful that God made us friends and I am so excited for the day when I see her again and neither one of us is sick!

This was our favorite song and verse. It gives peace and comfort for both of us.

There's a peace I've come to know
Though my heart and flesh may fail
There's an anchor for my soul
I can say "It is well"

Jesus has overcome
And the grave is overwhelmed
The victory is won
He is risen from the dead

[Chorus:]
And I will rise when He calls my name
No more sorrow, no more pain
I will rise on eagles' wings
Before my God fall on my knees
And rise
I will rise

There's a day that's drawing near
When this darkness breaks to light
And the shadows disappear
And my faith shall be my eyes

Jesus has overcome
And the grave is overwhelmed
The victory is won
He is risen from the dead

[Chorus:]
And I will rise when He calls my name
No more sorrow, no more pain
I will rise on eagles' wings
Before my God fall on my knees
And rise
I will rise

And I hear the voice of many angels sing,
"Worthy is the Lamb"
And I hear the cry of every longing heart,
"Worthy is the Lamb"
[x2]

[Chorus:]
And I will rise when He calls my name
No more sorrow, no more pain
I will rise on eagles' wings
Before my God fall on my knees
And rise
I will rise

"My flesh and my heart may fail, but GOD is the strength of my heart and my portion forever." Psalm 73:26

Purple Roses

The three of us (best friends with Rebecca) each got a purple rose from Rebecca's bouquets today at the burial. We will cherish them forever.

Katherine, Hannah, and I

Thank you

I want to thank everyone for the encouragement and prayers the past few days and weeks. The really do make a difference.

The past few days have been really strange. It feels like I'm in a dream. They've definitely not been easy, but I'm doing okay. Since we left the hospital on Saturday night after Rebecca went to be with Jesus, I've stayed busy. I don't want to sit at home and have time to really think right now. I know that I will have to think about it, but for now I'm staying busy. I've talked with friends about Heaven and life. They've been very encouraging talks. I went to get a dress for the funeral. I got a purple necklace to wear to the funeral since purple is her favorite color. I've made up errands to do so that I'm not sitting at home. So far that plan is working. I know in a couple days things will calm down and I'll have to think about it.

The visitation was tonight and the funeral is tomorrow morning. There have been lots of tears, but also lots of laughter at memories and pictures. I know tomorrow will be the same.

Please keep praying for us and encouraging us. I can't thank you enough. God is carrying us through this.

Limo ride

Several weeks ago Rebecca and I got to ride in a limo to her radiation one day. I will always remember that.

Rebecca is with Jesus

Tonight I had the privilege of being with my best friend when she passed from this life into eternal healing in Heaven. Rebecca went to be with Jesus around 5:30 tonight. We are no longer "sick buddies" as we called each other. She is forever healed.


"We can cry with hope
We can say goodbye with hope
'Cause we know our goodbye is not the end, 
And we can grieve with hope
'Cause we believe with hope
There's a place where we'll see your face again
We wait with hope, we ache with hope, hold on with hope,
We let go with hope"

Baptisms

The past several weeks have been so encouraging! At the Jr High church camp, there were 7 or 8 (I think, from what my brother says) middle schoolers baptized! The next Sunday at church there were 6 that were baptized! Two of the girls we have known forever. Our families have been friends for a long time. One is going into 8th grade and the other is in high school. I'm so sad that I wasn't able to be there because I was sick.

Then that Wednesday night after church, 2 more of our friends were baptized! They are our neighbors too which is great! They are siblings and one will be in 7th grade, and the other is in high school. It was so special!

At the high school camp, there were around 10 that were baptized I think!

Then on July 10th, my brother was baptized along with 3 others that day!

In the past month, there have been 34 teenagers who have given their lives to Christ in baptism! Six of them were not members of our church, meaning their parents don't go to church here. They are already sharing what God has done with their families who do not know Christ.

There have also been many adults baptized recently too!

I love seeing people decide to give their lives to Christ in baptism. I was baptized on August 21, 2005. My best friend was also baptized then. Her dad baptized her, and my dad baptized me. It was the day before school started!

Baptism is such a special, life-changing thing. It's when we confess Christ in front of people, and then put on Christ in baptism. It's an outward expression of an inward change.

'Then he (Jesus) said to them all: “If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me.' Luke 9:23


'Peter replied, “Repent and be baptized, every one of you, in the name of Jesus Christ for the forgiveness of your sins. And you will receive the gift of the Holy Spirit.' Acts 2:38


Through baptism, we are crucified with Christ (going down under the water), then are resurrected (coming out of the water). We die to our old selves, and start a new life with Christ. We are born again into a new life!

"Or don’t you know that all of us who were baptized into Christ Jesus were baptized into his death? ⁴ We were therefore buried with him through baptism into death in order that, just as Christ was raised from the dead through the glory of the Father, we too may live a new life.

 ⁵ If we have been united with him like this in his death, we will certainly also be united with him in his resurrection." Romans 6:3-5

 "Jesus answered, “I tell you the truth, no one can enter the kingdom of God unless he is born of water and the Spirit. ⁶ Flesh gives birth to flesh, but the Spirit^[b] gives birth to spirit" John 3:5-6

'You are all sons of God through faith in Christ Jesus, ²⁷ for all of you who were baptized into Christ have clothed yourselves with Christ.' Galatians 3:26-27

 


The angels in Heaven rejoice even if only 1 person is baptized. I can't imagine what rejoicing they have been doing with all of these baptisms! I don't think it's possible to watch a baptism without smiling. It can turn anything into a great day!


Praise God that He forgives us of our sins and makes us white as snow in baptism. Our names are written in the book of life and we have the hope of spending eternity in Heaven where there will be no more pain, death, suffering, or tears. 


"He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away.” Revelation 21:4

Here are pictures of Landon's baptism!!

Landon's confession

My grandpa leading a prayer before the baptism

Aww brother-sister hug

New brother in Christ!

My grandpa with Landon

Alyx, Andrew, Landon, and I

Look at my face in this one! It's crazy

Grandparents

Oreo balls, sleepless nights, and a little more

Well I got to go to church last Wednesday! It was good to be there, but overwhelming. The energy level there is 10 times normal which is hard to deal with when you don't feel good.

Thursday night was very long. I slept for maybe an hour.

On Friday I got to go to senior lunch with the youth group and youth ministers! That is one of my favorite times of the week. It's so much fun! Then after lunch I went to see my friend at the hospital during her treatment. I headed home after that to rest. Later that night, I was able to go to dinner with another friend!

After dinner, I came home to a house full of people. We had a missions retreat this weekend at our house. The missions committee from church met at our house to discuss things. It was from 6:00-10:00 Friday night, then 9:00 Saturday morning until noon. We had lots of great food and I think it went well.
Again on Friday night I did not sleep hardly at all. Thankfully we had lots of coffee on Saturday for the retreat! Once the missions thing was over, I started to make Oreo balls for Sunday morning youth group class. I'll explain later what they were for!

Oreo Balls

Saturday afternoon/night we had thanksgiving with my dad's side of the family! It was good to get together with everyone.

We got home around 9:30 and I finished the Oreo balls. I then went upstairs thinking I would sleep since I was so exhausted. I was wrong. HGTV has saved my life. Last year when I didn't sleep for so long, I discovered that HGTV is the only channel that doesn't start the infomercials until 2am. Most channels start them earlier. Aren't you glad I enlightened you with that information? So I've watched house hunters until 2 am ever since Thursday.

It's amazing how spastic I am when I don't sleep. All through Saturday night, I just felt so spastic. Then before church Sunday morning, I drank lots of coffee and it worked for a while! I was oddly wide awake even though I had no sleep. So-about the Oreo balls. For class, 8 people made different finger foods. There were donuts, sausage balls, hamburger cupcakes, puppy chow, pigs in a blanket, cheese cake, little smokies, and chocolate covered pretzels. We had to make enough of our food for 30 people. The lesson was about how we are selfish. At the end of the lesson, Phil (youth minister) finally revealed to everyone what was covered up on the tables. No one besides the people who made the food knew what it was. In honor of thanksgiving, we had a "feast". Every person got to pick 1 think they wanted to eat. BUT there were some rules...

You could not get your own food. Someone had to ask you what you wanted, you could not tell someone to get you something. You could not get up if someone was getting your food. And you could not get food for the person who got your food. You couldn't eat until everyone at your table got their food. It was really fun and a special treat!!

I loved getting to go to church! I hadn't been in 3 weeks. My dad had to go to both services because he talked about missions and all the good things happening. For lunch I got to go eat with one of my friends! That was very fun!!

I went home to rest for a couple hours before I had to leave again. At 4, I went to the prayer meeting that the youth group has every week. It's such a wonderful time. Every week more people come. Yesterday we did something different than we have. Someone read a story from the Bible slowly, 3 different times. The first time, you are supposed to picture yourself in the story and what that would be like. The second time, you listen for 1 word or short phrase that God wants you to hear. After the second time, we shared what word stuck out to us. The third time, you listened to how God wants that word to affect you this week. After we heard it the third time, we shared how we can take that one word, and use it this week in our lives. This was the passage.

"As Jesus and his disciples were on their way, he came to a village where a woman named Martha opened her home to him. She had a sister called Mary, who sat at the Lord’s feet listening to what he said. But Martha was distracted by all the preparations that had to be made. She came to him and asked, “Lord, don’t you care that my sister has left me to do the work by myself? Tell her to help me!”

 “Martha, Martha,” the Lord answered, “you are worried and upset about many things, but few things are needed—or indeed only one. Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her.”

-Luke 10:38-42

I underlined the phrases that people said stuck out to them. In this passage, Martha is STILL preparing her home for Jesus, even when he is already there. How many times do we keep preparing for God to use us, and not focus on the present? He is already here and we are busy working for the future. The word listening stuck out to many people. We are so busy in life and don't take time to just listen. That's all God wants us to do. There is so much we learned from each other yesterday, just listening to each other talk about what stuck out and how we can apply it.

The forth step in this is to pray the word or phrase that stuck out to you, back to God and to continue to do that. It was such an encouraging time yesterday!

My brother Landon is in 6th grade. Every year, the 6th grade boys lead worship one Sunday night. Last night was that night! Landon led a prayer and did such a great job!! I'm pretty sure I could never get up in front of thousands and do that..all the boys did so good.

By the time church ended, I was feeling so bad. Once I got home, I got a migraine. Soon after that, I got so nauseous and my side started hurting a lot again from the cyst. It just suddenly got extremely worse. I cried for a long time until we could get the pain under control. I was on so much pain medicine. My vision was blurry and when I got up, I stumbled all over the place. It was a terrible feeling. It took quite a while to get the pain under control. I finally was able to go to sleep!!! I slept until 1am and was up for an hour or two but then went back to sleep. The pain is better today if I keep up with my pain meds. I had stopped taking them last week, which was a nice break from them!

 I hate that I have been on pain medicine more days than not for the past 3 months. I don't think I've gone a whole week without needing it for something. And I'm not someone who just takes it when there's a little pain. It's not worth the side effects. But I have needed them a lot. Hopefully it will all get better soon. 

As to why I've had trouble sleeping, we think it's just the Lyme. When my gallbladder started having problems, my Lyme doctor told us to stop treatments. He wanted me fully recovered before we started treatments again. Again, he stressed that for someone with an already complicated disease, removing an organ is a big deal and treatments would be way too much. So we just haven't started back on the treatments because several things keep coming up. Since we haven't attacked the Lyme in a long time, it's probably attacking and that's why I can't sleep. We are working on getting my medicine schedule so that I can start back up. Bodies can't heal without sleep. Also, did you know bodies can't heal when they are in pain? The immune system can't fight other things if you are in a lot of pain. I thought that was interesting.

I'm making another video about the past year because on December 3rd it will be 2 years since I was diagnosed and started treatment. So be looking for that! I hope you all have a wonderful thanksgiving!

"Give thanks to the Lord, for he is good; his love endures forever." 1 Chronicles 16:34

the Voice of Truth

I can't believe that it is November! My dad has been gone to Honduras with the preacher from our church since Saturday! They are also going to Guatemala tomorrow I think and won't be home until next Monday.

Last week, my homebound teacher came and we went over the plan. I'm doing one subject at a time because it's really overwhelming to try and do all of them at once. Last Tuesday I started US History and yesterday I finished the whole class!! I did 31 chapters in 6 days. I have to say that I'm very proud of that. I worked very hard!

In this world, there are so many lies and statistics that we listen to. So many things keep us back from living our life to full. Lies tell us that we can't do something. Statistics tell us that we don't have a chance. But God tells us that that we can do it and that everything is for His glory. That is so reassuring. I love the chorus of this song.

But the Voice of truth tells me a different story
the Voice of truth says "do not be afraid!"

and the Voice of truth says "this is for My glory"

Out of all the voices calling out to me

I will choose to listen and believe the Voice of truth

This song talks about all the voices telling us we can't do it. But we should listen to the only true voice, which is Christ.

The Voice of Truth by Casting Crowns
Oh,what I would do to have
the kind of faith it takes
To climb out of this boat I'm in
Onto the crashing waves
To step out of my comfort zone
Into the realm of the unknown
Where Jesus is,
And he's holding out his hand
But the waves are calling out my name
and they laugh at me
Reminding me of all the times
I've tried before and failed
The waves they keep on telling me
time and time again
"Boy, you'll never win,
You you'll never win
But the Voice of truth tells me a different story
the Voice of truth says "do not be afraid!"
and the Voice of truth says "this is for My glory"
Out of all the voices calling out to me
I will choose to listen and believe the Voice of truth
Oh, what I would do
to have the kind of strength it takes
To stand before a giant
with just a sling and a stone
Surrounded by the sound
of a thousand warriors
shaking in their armor
Wishing they'd have had the strength to stand
But the giant's calling out
my name and he laughs at me
Reminding me of all the times
I've tried before and failed
The giant keeps on telling me
time and time again
"Boy you'll never win,
you'll never win."
But the voice of truth tells me a different story
the Voice of truth says "do not be afraid!"
and the Voice of truth says "this is for My glory"
Out of all the voices calling out to me
I will choose to listen and believe the Voice of truth
But the stone was just the right size
to put the giant on the ground
and the waves they don't seem so high
from on top of them looking down
I will soar with the wings of eagles
when I stop and listen to the sound of Jesus
singing over me
But the Voice of truth tells me a different story
The Voice of truth says "do not be afraid!"
And the Voice of truth says "this is for my glory"
Out of all the voices calling out to me (calling out to me)
I will choose to listen and believe (I will choose to listen and believe)
I will choose to listen and believe the Voice of truth
I will listen and believe
I will listen and believe the Voice of truth
I will listen and believe
'Cause Jesus you are the Voice of truth

And I will listen to you.. oh you are the Voice of truth

Weekend Update!

I had a wonderful weekend! Saturday night we went to Brick Town which is what downtown OKC is called! We went with the missionary couple from Brazil and had such a great time.
Sunday was a great day too. I got to go to church!!!! The lesson on Sunday morning was so encouraging. It was about the Resurrection of Christ and what that means for us. We looked at proof that scholars that have found that the Resurrection really happened. Most of the scholars didn't even believe in Christ before they studied the evidence. For us, the Resurrection means that we will be resurrected after death and go to heaven. Once we have accepted Christ, we have assurance of heaven. Yes, there are so many trials in this life, but we can go through them with JOY because we know that they won't last. We know that in heaven there will be no death or sickness or sin. It's amazing to look at people who are suffering and see the joy and hope they have because they know that it's only temporary. We need to focus on what is ahead of us.
"So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal." 2 Corinthians 4:18
1 Corinthians 15 is so encouraging to read!
"I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world." John 16:33
Death doesn't have the final word. Sickness doesn't have the final word. Sin doesn't have the final word. Jesus already overcame those things when He went to the cross for us. We now can live with HOPE and JOY!!
"I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus" Philippians 3:14
"For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. 18So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal." 2 Corinthians 4:17-18
Sunday afternoon at 4 I had a prayer team meeting. We meet every Sunday for an hour before evening worship to pray. I can't even describe what happened this Sunday during our prayer time. God was so present and everyone had such peace. It was incredible. We all kept hearing the word purpose during the quiet times and people sharing. Usually we are done at 5 for church but this week we went until 5:30 and didn't even know! It went by so fast!! I'm so thankful for these people and their hearts of wanting to grow closer to God. Every week our prayer group grows and I can't wait to see how God uses us.
Yesterday I woke up with a migraine and was really not happy about it because I was going to take my senior pictures yesterday! Thankfully with migraine medicine and pain medicine I got it to a bearable point. Hopefully you can't see it in my eyes!
The pictures were SO much fun to take! We went downtown to some old buildings and then to a beautiful field with flowers. The weather was perfect and we were at the field at sunset which will look great!! We took pictures for about 3 hours so I was pretty worn out.
This morning I woke up and my migraine has gotten worse. I've been nauseous and so sensitive to noise and light. It's a little better after another migraine pill and pain medicine and a bath.
For the pictures, I had to sit then get up and stand then sit again and it was hard work! I even climbed up on this ledge under a bride and today I am so sore!! How sad is that?! Maybe it's from the migraine too but I thought that was funny. Obviously I'm so out of shape since I've done no physical activity for 3 years. At least it was worth the pain! I'm so excited to see the pictures.
I read this story today and I thought I would share because it's a great example of our purpose in life. We are not here for us. We are here to help others.
The Heart



"Tomorrow morning," the surgeon began, "I'll open up your heart..."


"You'll find Jesus there," the boy interrupted.


The surgeon looked up, annoyed "I'll cut your heart open," he continued, to see how much damage has been done..."


"But when you open up my heart, you'll find Jesus in there," said the boy.


The surgeon looked to the parents, who sat quietly. "When I see how much damage has been done, I'll sew your heart and chest back up, and I'll plan what to do next."


"But you'll find Jesus in my heart. The Bible says He lives there. The hymns all say He lives there. You'll find Him in my heart."


The surgeon had had enough. "I'll tell you what I'll find in your heart. I'll find damaged muscle, low blood supply, and weakened vessels. And I'll find out if I can make you well."


"You'll find Jesus there too. He lives there." The surgeon left. The surgeon sat in his office, recording his notes from the surgery, "...damaged aorta, damaged pulmonary vein, widespread muscle degeneration. No hope for transplant, no hope for cure. Therapy: painkillers and bed rest. Prognosis:, "There he paused, "death within one year."
He stopped the recorder, but there was more to be said. "Why?" he asked aloud. "Why did You do this? You've put him here; You've put him in this pain; and You've cursed him to an early death. Why?"


The Lord answered and said, "The boy, My lamb, was not meant for your flock for long, for he is a part of My flock, and will forever be. Here, in My flock, he will feel no pain, and will be comforted as you cannot imagine. His parents will one day join him here, and they will know peace, and My flock will continue to grow." The surgeon's tears were hot, but his anger was hotter. "You created that boy, and You created that heart. He'll be dead in months. Why?"


The Lord answered, "The boy, My lamb, shall return to My flock, for He has Done his duty: I did not put My lamb with your flock to lose him, but to retrieve another lost lamb. YOU" The surgeon wept.. The surgeon sat beside the boy's bed; the boy's parents sat across from him. The boy awoke and whispered, "Did you cut open my heart?"


"Yes," said the surgeon.


"What did you find?" asked the boy.


"I found Jesus there," said the surgeon.


Author Unknown