Bring the Rain

Flowers are so beautiful! It's been rainy and chilly ever since I had surgery so it's great to have flowers that are so cheerful! I'm very thankful for the flowers, encouragement, and mostly prayers.

Such pretty flowers!

You can kind of see the bandage on the side of my neck. The ChloraPrep that I'm allergic to is on my face, chest, and my shoulders and the top my arms. They said they don't wash it off because it continues to fight bacteria for 48 hours.

You can see spots of the ChloraPrep on my arms and back. They also left those white stickers on me. I had them on my chest, stomach, and shoulders. They were used to monitor me.


My PICC line is out!! That arm has had a rash for 7 months from the PICC line. I'm ready for it to clear up! You can see the hole from the line in the middle of my arm. It is just a hole..very weird!

These are my incisions. Don't worry, they're covered up with bandages so you don't have to see them! The one on my chest is 2 inches long. I'm not sure about the one on my neck. I found out that the tube that runs between them is right under my skin. I can follow it with my finger. It's so weird!! It goes on top of my collar bone up to the incision in my neck. I'm still trying to get used to the port. I can feel it when I move or breathe..which is pretty much all the time since I'm usually always breathing. The port sticks up from under the skin and it is a circle.
You can also see how red and swollen my neck and chest are. Usually you can really see my collar bone and all the other bones. This was before the hives and swelling got really bad.
Thankfully the hives are getting better! My neck is still swollen from the incision though.

Bring the Rain by Mercy Me
I can count a million times
People asking me how I
Can praise You with all that I've gone through
The question just amazes me
Can circumstances possibly
Change who I forever am in You
Maybe since my life was changed
Long before these rainy days
It's never really ever crossed my mind
To turn my back on you oh Lord
My only shelter from the storms
But instead I draw closer through these times
So I pray
Bring me joy, bring me peace
Bring the chance to be free
Bring me anything that brings You glory
And I know they'll be days
When this life brings me pain
But if that's what it takes to praise You
Jesus Bring the Rain
I am Yours regardless of
The dark clouds that may loom above
Because You are much greater than my pain
You who made a way for me
By suffering Your destiny
So tell me what's a little rain
So I pray
Bring me joy, bring me peace
Bring the chance to be free
Bring me anything that brings You glory
And I know they'll be days
When this life brings me pain
But if that's what it takes to praise You
Jesus Bring the Rain
Holy, Holy, Holy
Is the Lord God Almighty"
"But as for me, I will always have hope;
I will praise you more and more." Psalm 71:14
I hope you have a great week!

Outpatient doesn't mean easier...

The morning of surgery my nocturnal body decided to wake up at 3:50am. I didn't have to get up until 5 so I layed in bed and listened to Klove. It was so encouraging to listen to all the songs about God carrying me no matter what is going on in my life.

We left for the hospital at 5:45am. I'm still not sure why check-in takes so long..it took about an hour to get checked-in. They finally put me in my room at 7. The room was really big so my grandparents and everyone got to stay in the room too. Since we couldn't use my PICC line they had to start an IV. They had to take blood too so they had to find 2 veins. The nurse didn't have any problem finding the veins. She actually said that I have such great veins. Are you kidding me?! I started laughing because I couldn't believe she actually said that.

They took me to the holding room at 7:45. Only 2 people could come with me so my parents went. The surgeon and anaesthesiologist were waiting to talk with us. The nurse gave me something to start to relax me. I wasn't in holding for more than 10 minutes. Everything happened so fast in there. They took me to the OR right at 8. When they were taking me to the operating room, it felt like a movie. Everything was white and freezing cold. Everyone had the blue scrubs on and everyone was looking at me being wheeled past. It seemed like everything was in slow motion..I guess the relaxing medicine was starting to work. In the OR, they made me get on the table by myself. They didn't say anything to me, they just put the mask on my face and that's all I remember. The surgery lasted an hour and then I was put in recovery. I woke up after being in recovery for 45 minutes. I woke up in a ton of pain so they gave me lots of pain medicine. The pain medicine they gave me was 10 times stronger than morphine. I was still in a ton of pain though. My chest and neck hurt. It really confused me because the port was put in my chest, not my neck. They finally took me back to my room after being in recovery for an hour and a half. The gown I wore had a place to hook it up to a machine and the machine put warm air into the gown. It was the best part of surgery! It kept me so warm.

Once I was back in my room, I started hurting more. My mom said that I had a bandage on my neck too. So we asked the nurse why it was there. Apparently they had to cut my neck to get the catheter from the port into a bigger vein in the neck. I was in so much pain so the nurse finally agreed to giving me morphine. We tried to get the pain under control for a couple hours. They sent me home at 1:45pm. Since they attached the port to a muscle in my chest, it hurts every time I move or talk. The worst pain is my neck though.

When I got home, I was so nauseous from the anesthesia. Tuesday night I noticed that I was starting to get a rash on my chest. They hadn't washed the cleaning stuff off so i was covered in it. The rash kept getting worse everyday. It's all over my chest, neck, face, arms, and any where else they put the cleaner. Apparently I'm really really allergic to whatever they cleaned me with. Yesterday my chest and neck were so swollen. You can't even see my collar bones. So we went to the after hours clinic last night. They gave me a steroid shot and told me to keep taking benadyrll. After we got home the itching was out of control. I couldn't take it anymore. I was so frustrated. My mom went to a health food store at 9 last night to see if they had anything to help. She got some spray and it finally calmed the itching and pain down. I haven't been sleeping good because of the pain from surgery and the hives all over me.

Since the surgery was outpatient I thought it wouldn't be a big deal at all. I was so wrong. I'm still in a lot of pain and feel horrible. The surgery was bigger than we thought and on top of that I have hives. I don't have my appetite back either. I'm praying that the hives will go away soon and that the incisions will heal fast.

Thank you for all your prayers! Please keep praying for me to recover soon.

Surgery tomorrow

Tomorrow is surgery day. The PICC line is coming out and the port is going in! Check-in time at the hospital is 6am. The actual surgery starts at 8am. Since I had that big PICC line problem Saturday, we don't think they will be able to use the line during surgery. They thought that they could use it for IVs during surgery then take it out when I'm in recovery. But I think they will have to start an IV somewhere. That will work out well since I have horrible veins and I'm not allowed to eat or drink starting at midnight...so my veins will shrink even more from dehydration. Good luck nurses! I should use a sharpie and mark where my veins are for the nurses so that they might be easier to find.. I don't know when they'll take my PICC line out since they can't use it. I really hope I'm asleep when they take it out. It really freaks me out to think of them just pulling it out all the way from my chest! They say it doesn't hurt but still..it freaks me out.
These are comforting verses about God fighting for His children. God has everything already planned out for me. He knows about my worries even before they happen. He knows what's best for me and he is fighting for me.

"And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose."

Romans 8:28
'Moses answered the people, "Do not be afraid. Stand firm and you will see the deliverance the LORD will bring you today. The LORD will fight for you; you need only to be still."'

Exodus 14:13a-14
"The LORD your God, who is going before you, will fight for you, as he did for you in Egypt, before your very eyes, and in the desert. There you saw how the LORD your God carried you, as a father carries his son, all the way you went until you reached this place."

Deuteronomy 1:30-31
"your eyes saw my unformed body.
All the days ordained for me
were written in your book
before one of them came to be."

Psalm 139:16
"For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal."

2 Corinthians 4:17

Let the Waters Rise by Mikeschair
Don’t know where to begin
It's like my worlds caving in
And I try but I can't control my fear
Where do I go from here

Sometimes it's so hard to pray
When You feel so far away
but I am willing to go where You want me to
God I Trust You

There's a raging sea
Right in front of me
Wants to pull me in
Bring me to my knees

So let the waters rise
If You want them to
I will follow You
I will follow You

I will swim in the deep
Cuz you’ll be next to me
You’re in the eye of the storm and the calm of the sea
Your never out of reach

God You know where I’ve been
And You were there with me then
You were faithful before You’ll be faithful again
I’m holding Your hand

There's a raging sea
Right in front of me
Wants to pull me in
Bring me to my knees

So let the waters rise
If You want them to
I will follow You
I will follow You

God Your love is enough
You will pull me through
I’m holding onto You
God Your love is enough
I will follow You
I will follow You

There's a raging sea
Right in front of me
Wants to pull me in
Bring me to my knees

So let the waters rise
If You want them to
I will follow You
I will follow You

"I thank my God every time I remember you. In all my prayers for all of you, I always pray with joy because of your partnership in the gospel from the first day until now, being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus."
Philippians 1:3-6

Here's another one of my favorite pictures from Vienna!

Surgery Tuesday!

We met with the surgeon yesterday! He was really great and it was a very simple meeting. He told us what we needed to know and then we were out of there! I like doctors like that.

I'm having a port put in and the PICC line will be taken out. The port will be placed under my collar bone and is attached to the muscle. It has a catheter that connects it to a major vein usually in the neck. Once the port is in, everything is under the skin. All you can see is a little circle sticking up under the skin. To access the port you just use a needle. When it's accessed you put a dressing over it so that it's sterile and that the needle doesn't come out. When your done with the IV or whatever your using the port for, you take the needle out and there's nothing there! So I can shower like normal! No more plastic wrap!!!!!!! The surgeon said that my parents can learn how to do it so we don't have to have a nurse come!

The surgery is this Tuesday! I have to be there at 6am...very early. But the surgery doesn't start until 8am. He said the surgery will probably take an hour. We're going to use my PICC line for the IVs during the surgery then they will take my PICC line out before I go home. Then after I'm in recovery some one will show us how to access the port and everything. Then hopefully I can go home soon!

I love this song!

He Is by Mark Schultz

"Father let the world just fade away
Let me feel Your presence in this place
Lord I've never been so weary
How I need to know You're near me
Father let the world just fade away
'Til I'm on my knees
'Til my heart can sing

He is
He was
He always will be
Even when it feels like there is no one holding me
Be still, my soul
He is

Father let Your Holy Spirit sing
Let it calm this storm inside of me
As I stand amazed
Lift my hands and say

He is
He was
He always will be
He lives
He loves
He's always with me
Even when it feels like there is no one holding me
Be still my soul

Through every fear
And every doubt
In every tear I shed
Down every road
I'm not alone
No matter where I am

He is
He was
He always will be
He lives
He loves
He's always with me
Even when it feels like there is no one holding me
Be still my soul
Be still and know
Be still my soul
He is"

"Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever." Hebrews 13:8

Great weekend!

This weekend was fall visit at Oklahoma Christian University! There were a ton of juniors and seniors from Memorial Road that went! On Friday during the day you could go to chapel, some classes, and tour the campus. I didn't go to all that though. I went to dinner at OC then we took charter buses to downtown OKC and they had a Summer Singers concert by the canal. We got ice cream and it was perfect weather! We were suppose to go to the OKC bombing memorial to have a devotional, but it started raining. So we went back to OC and had the devo there. After the devo we went to On Cue to get an icee then we went to one of our friend's dorms. My friends spent the night in the dorm, but I decided it would be better if I didn't stay the night. Saturday my friends and I went to lunch under the pavilion at the campus and heard the New Reign group sing! Then we went to Freshman Fanfare. It was a really fun weekend and it was perfect weather!

Alex and I at OC

We are meeting with the surgeon on Wednesday afternoon. They said that once we meet with him, they can usually get me into surgery really soon. I so ready for the PICC line to come out! It hurts all the time now. I think the port will be so much better!

I'm a little scared of the surgery because nothing knocks me out. I mean nothing. And I've been on some pretty strong stuff before. I'm scared that I will still be awake when they do the surgery! But the anesthesia is a lot stronger than any medicines that I've taken. It still worries me though..
"When I am afraid,
I will trust in you.
In God, whose word I praise,
in God I trust; I will not be afraid.
What can mortal man do to me?" Psalm 56:3-4
"The Lord is my light and my salvation—
so why should I be afraid?
The Lord is my fortress, protecting me from danger,
so why should I tremble?" Psalm 27:1