Thankfully, the herxing isn't too bad right now. It's just causing more pain and fatigue, but thankfully my pain medicine is helping some. The pain is just really bad once the pain medicine wears off and when it's almost time for another dose. But I'm getting through it with lots of rest and meds. Finals are next week and I'm way behind on things so I need to get over all of this!
So back to today...here's a little bit about what I wanted to share today. I am working on a more detailed post like I usually do on diagnosis day every year, so hopefully I can get that done soon.
4 years ago today I was diagnosed with late stage, neurological Lyme Disease, as well as at least 3 co-infections. I was finally diagnosed at a clinic in Reno, Nevada after being sick for 2 years and finding no answers here in Oklahoma. I've suffered brain problems, heart problems, and problems with literally every organ now. I have a port (permanent IV) in my chest that goes to my heart that allows me to receive IVs at home. I certainly didn't think that at age 19 I would have already spent 4 years traveling across the country to my doctor, missed 3 years (and more) of school, be on continuous morphine just to get out of bed each day, and most of all, I never thought that I would consider all of this as a blessing. I've grown closer to God in these 6 years that I've been sick than I ever have.
But this year, I've grown even more closer to God during the hardest time of my life. Last fall, I was able to take 2 classes in college and live in the dorms after missing 3 full years of high school! But this past spring, I got too sick again to go back to the dorms and take the classes I had planned to (I did take one class on campus). When I realized I couldn't go back, I was mad. So very mad. How could this be happening again? I was supposed to only be getting better from here on, but now I have another setback. I was very upset.
But a few days after I realized I couldn't go back to school, my family and I were called over to my best friend, Rebecca's, house. Rebecca was diagnosed with cancer a month after I was diagnosed with Lyme. We had been through everything together those past 3 years that we were sick. We had "parties" while everyone else was in school. Yes, we had so much fun, even when hooked up to countless IVs and monitors in the hospital. We were the only ones who really understood what each other was going through. Most of all, we were able to talk to each other about our faith in God and His plan through all of this. Neither of us were ever mad at God. I learned so much from her, and I hope she learned from me as well.
So on February 2 when my family went over to her house, they told us that the cancer was everywhere and that she would be going to Heaven soon. They said they would do everything they could to keep her comfortable until God called her home. I was speechless. Here I was, so mad that I couldn't go to school, and then I realized that God needed me for something SO much more important than what I had planned. So from February 2nd, until God called Rebecca home on March 10th, I was able to sit with her almost every day. God didn't need me to go to school this spring. He needed me to be with my best friend every day as He got ready to take her home. I feel so blessed to have been able to be with her until her final breath, when she was safe in the arms of Jesus. I felt God's presence like never before on March 10th when Rebecca went to be with Jesus in Heaven. God was there in that hospital room with us. He was there to take Rebecca HOME and give us peace and comfort.
God needs us for more than we can see right now. We might not see it until we see Him face to face when He calls us home. I may not understand a lot of what has happened, what is happening, and what is going to happen, but I do know that it will ALL be made right one day. God is so faithful and will never leave us.
Rebecca and I's favorite verse is Psalm 73:26, "My flesh and my heart may fail, but GOD is the strength of my heart and my portion FOREVER."
I can't thank you enough for your prayers, support, cards, and words of encouragement these 6 years that I've been sick, and especially these past several months. Please don't stop. Please keep praying and encouraging me and my family as we continue to fight. We still have huge battles in front of us with my health. We will never be able to thank you enough for all you've done for us. Won't it be a glorious day when we are all whole and just how God made us to be, together in Heaven one day?! But until then, we must stand strong together as the body of Christ does. You have been doing that, and I can't thank you enough!
"Till He returns or calls me home, here in the power of Christ I'll stand!"
I love you all so much!
I love you all so much!