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Thursday, December 30, 2010

Christmas 2010

We had a very good Christmas! On Christmas Eve day we went to my dad's parents house with his side of the family. All of his side of the family lives either in our neighborhood, or the neighborhood next to ours. It's great to be so close! There are 7 grandchildren, of which I am the oldest. We ate, opened presents, and spent time together. The best present I got? Well, I love everything I got, this is just my favorite right now. Some sweat pants and a sweatshirt! Oh it was the best thing ever! I was wearing jeans and a nice shirt for pictures and everything but when I got those sweats I ran, okay not really- and put them on. I no longer had to stuff Kleenex's in my pants to try and reduce the pain from surgery.
Around 7:30 we came back to our house to have Christmas with just us (me, mom, dad, brother, and dog. Can't forget the dog!). We opened presents and ate some more food! We always fix appetizers on Christmas Eve at our house. I headed to bed earlier than normal on Christmas Eve because I was exhausted and hurting! We woke up on Christmas morning and went to my moms parents with my aunt! After eating and opening presents, we played Apples to Apples and some other card games. Let me tell you, the competition got pretty intense! By dinner time, I was really worn out. Usually we stay there really late and watch a movie, but this year was different.
Actually, it's been different since I got sick, but especially this year. I didn't plan on being admitted to the hospital on December 4th, the exact time when all the Christmas festivities began. I had no idea that I would have to have emergency surgery on the evening of December 7th.
Diseases don't give you the holidays off. Yes, I might have had the cysts, endometriosis, and internal bleeding if I didn't have Lyme, but the appendicitis was from Lyme. The surgeon (who isn't a Lyme doctor) even said so. So this emergency surgery was mostly, if not all, because of Lyme. Lyme causes major hormone problems, so it's likely that the cysts and endometriosis are from Lyme too. When we were told I would need surgery, I didn't even realize how close it was to Christmas. I didn't have time to think about how I would be recovering over Christmas. Even if I had realized it, it wouldn't have mattered because surgery had to happen. Lyme gives you no choices. It takes over everything and leaves you to sit back and watch because you have no control.
I know Christmas is not about feeling well. It's not about the festivities. It's not about what I physically have or don't have. But the world says it is about all that and it's hard not to think about those things. It's so hard to just be in the world, not of the world like this verse talks about. I put 2 versions of this verse just to have different wording.
"Don’t copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. Then you will learn to know God’s will for you, which is good and pleasing and perfect." Romans 12:2 (NLT)
"Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will." Romans 12:2 (NIV)
So while Christmas is a hard time of year because of Lyme from a worldly view, I will try and not conform to the pattern of the world. I will try and keep my mind focused on heavenly things.
Landon and I (and Tucker) on Christmas Eve. Notice I'm wearing my new sweats!
My bracelet with new charms! I didn't notice that this picture looks like a smiley face until someone pointed it out to me!

New duffel and makeup bag! My brother got me a journal and pen and pencil that matches these bags. How sweet!!

Wednesday, December 29, 2010

You might have just had abdominal surgery if....

( Yes, I realize I had surgery 21 days ago so I didn't really just have surgery, but in a Lyme infected body that doesn't recover fast, I'm like 8 days post surgery)
...You haven't slept in your room since before you had surgery because it's upstairs and the stairs turned into a mountain that stabs you in the stomach with knives.
...You've worn nothing but pajamas for 3 + weeks.
...You've worn the same outfit for a week at a time and no one cares.
...On Christmas you decide to "dress up" and wear jeans for pictures but you have to stuff Kleenex's in your pants because they rub your incisions.
...Also immediately after your pictures on Christmas, you change back into your sweats because your jeans rub the incisions and are too tight from swelling.
...The best and worst night since surgery was when you went to the ER 2 weeks after surgery. It was the best because you got to get out of the house and see people. It was the worst because you hurt so much to go to the ER.
...You feel like you've accomplished so much when you beat levels on the game angry birds.
...You still can't believe Christmas has already happened because when all the Christmas festivities started, you were admitted to the hospital and had surgery. You haven't done 1 Christmas thing this year so it doesn't seem like Christmas. The first time you realized Christmas was soon was when your hospital nurses started wearing their Christmas shirts.
...You ask for more sweats for Christmas because you cannot imagine having to wear real clothes again. Too painful.
...You've been told that you look pregnant by your parents because your abdomen is so swollen. Kinda funny!
...Sneezing and coughing is the most painful thing ever.
...You're angry at yourself for not asking for an elevator for Christmas so that you could once again go to your room.
...You would be happy if your parents told you to go to your room and made you stay there. But, that won't happen because you can't be left alone, much less make it to your room alive.

Thursday, December 23, 2010

Dr. Appointment, Caroling, Dad's Birthday

On Tuesday morning I had an appointment with my surgeon. I walked in and the nurse said, "you're back again?" I just smiled and quietly laughed and said, "yes. Yes I am". I've been to see them 3 times in 3 weeks and of course they remember me because most teenagers don't have Lyme, okay pretty much none. They also don't have as many problems as I do, like internal bleeding, blood filled cysts the sizes of oranges, endometriosis, and their appendixes out all in one whack
The surgeon started me on antibiotics for this cough stuff I have going on. He also said that the pain I'm experiencing is still surgery pain, along with pain from coughing and sneezing. I pulled a muscle in my back from coughing. How embarrassing. But he said that it would all get better, it will just take some time. Praise God that he doesn't think anything else is wrong!
I've been feeling pretty cruddy to be honest. And grumpy. I'm blaming it on the meds, since I am on meds, so why not. For information purposes, the youth ministers send out mass texts reminding us of youth group things going on. So Tuesday morning while I was at my doctors appointment, I got a text from the youth ministers saying that they were going caroling that night. I was so disappointed that I couldn't go. I haven't gotten to do anything "Christmasy" this year because of being in the hospital and having surgery. So I tried to forgot that they were going caroling, which is impossible since I am the youth group nerd, so I wouldn't feel left out. Once I came home from the doctor, I layed down on the couch for the whole rest of the day because I felt terrible. I also spent a majority of the day hanging out in the bathroom, but I won't go into details. I think the pain medicine was what was making me sick.
Several of my friends were acting weird on Tuesday, asking if I would be home that night. I didn't know what was going on because they didn't ask if they could come over. Why would they care if I was home if they didn't even want to come over? Then that night, one of my youth ministers texted and asked for my neighborhood gate code. I knew something was up. I fell asleep on the couch and was woken up by my brother yelling, "they're here, I have to get my gun!". Of course it's just a fake gun, don't worry. Thank goodness my brother protects us from everything. The door bell rang, and we were flooded with the sound of Christmas carols. I slowly made my way to the door, overwhelmed with what was happening. Good overwhelmed of course. There were probably over 20 people from the youth group on my front porch singing to us. Tears fell from my face as I listened to them sing. They probably wondered what was wrong with me and why I was crying. Blame it on the meds again. Seriously, pain medicine even makes you cry during commercials that aren't really sad. It's kind of humorous. Not at the time, but a few days later. I was so touched that they came to sing to ME! I love them all so much!! I haven't been to church in over 3 weeks, so it was so wonderful to see them all again! They sang 3 or 4 songs and stayed and chatted for a few minutes before moving onto their next destination. I hope they know how much they blessed us.
"Therefore encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing." 1 Thessalonians 5:11
Today is my dad's birthday. HAPPY BIRTHDAY DAD!!!!! Thanks for being the best dad EVER!!! It's kind of funny where we spend a lot of our time together; in the hospital. When I go to the ER late at night, he is usually the one who takes me. We've spent at least over 25 nights in the hospital together since I've been sick. For several months, we were going once a week. We find things to make it as fun as can be. Like my last ER visit this past Sunday night. We jumped in the car, okay not literally because that would be extremely painful for me, and drove the familiar route to the hospital. The ER was full because it was Sunday night, and a full moon. At least that's what the nurse said as to why it was so full. As you can imagine, there were many interesting people there. People watching is the best at the ER. Our best entertainment was watching a drunk lady and how she interacted with people. We watch people and make up stories about them and why they're there. When the triage nurse was starting my IV she asked, "have you had an IV before"? We quietly laughed. If only she knew. On Sunday night, we were in the ER waiting room for 2 hours. That is a lot of people watching and ease dropping. We saw at least 3 pregnant women come to the ER in labor in a span of an hour and a half. Then we were taken upstairs to the CT scan room. Of course we knew the way to the CT rooms, but the hallways were dark and abandoned at midnight. A person would pass through the halls every once in a while and we came up with pretty good stories as to what they were doing! After we were up in CT for 20 or 30 minutes, I was taken to my room back in the ER. We stayed there from about midnight until 3am. We ask the ER nurses a million questions about life in the ER and get them to tell us crazy stories. My dad tries to convince me that I just told him all my secrets after I am given each dose of pain medicine. I tell him that I have no secrets because I'm always home with them, which is true. When they call different codes over the speakers, we make up stories for those too. We got to spend about 6 hours in the ER on Sunday night. I think we've had our ER fix for a while. We have to make the most of each night in the hospital, or it would be much worse than it already is! It's always an adventure!!
Tonight we are actually going out to eat for his birthday! My first real time to get out!! I'm so excited. This afternoon I think my brother and I are making ginger bread houses!
Merry Christmas to you all!!!!
"For to us a child is born,
to us a son is given,
And he will be called
Wonderful Counselor,Mighty God,
Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace" Isaiah 9:6

Monday, December 20, 2010

Another night in the ER

This is a quick update because I don't feel well. My family and I have terrible colds/bronchitis so we feel pretty bad. But I was doing well until Saturday night. By last night, I was in so much pain. The pain medicine wasn't helping my stomach and I just felt worse. We called the on call surgeon and they told us to go to the ER because they didn't know what was wrong. I had a ct scan and bloodwork done. Those both looked pretty good so they felt comfortable sending me home. I had several doses of Dilauded and Zofran while I was there and that helped a lot. Before I left they also gave me IV ativan to help me sleep. I slept well last night. Today my cough and congestion are so much worse and I've spent a lot of time feeling like Im going to be sick. We called the surgeon and Im going to see him tomorrow morning. The nurses and doctors at the hospital aren't sure why Im hurting so much but they said that coughing along with other things could be irritating it. We'll see what the surgeon says tomorrow. We got home from the hospital at 3 this morning. It's been a hard couple days. Thank you for your prayers!!

Wednesday, December 15, 2010

pathology report

the surgeon called and I did have acute appendicitis. Not sure why it didn't show up on my bloodwork. Thankful we got it out before it burst!!!

Couldn't ask for better doctors and nurses!

We are working on a detailed post about everything that happened last week. But I want to tell you about the doctors and nurses we had last week. I always talk about the bad doctors that we run into. We had the BEST care at the two different hospitals I was in. When I arrived in the ER on Saturday December 4th at Mercy Hospital, we had a great ER doctor. My dad actually knew him. He was caring and wanted to figure things out. The doctor that told us to go to the hospital was in contact with the ER doctor and they talked back and forth with us about things. Once they decided to admit me, they got it done fast!
I was on the pediatric floor at Mercy Hospital. It was so great because I was 1 of 2 patients on that floor. The other patient was older so I was the only pediatric. The nurses were so wonderful! They were so much fun and would hang out in my room and just talk. We laughed so much! They made us fresh iced tea and went out of their way to do things. I loved them! It was actually not a bad hospital stay. I know part of the reason was because I was on so much pain meds so I was in lala land, but it was also the great care we had. We didn't have any problems at that hospital at all! They all actually said, "yeah if you don't catch Lyme early it's hard to deal with and get rid of". Then they moved on and didn't make a big deal about it!! It was wonderful.
I had surgery at a little hospital that we had never heard of before! But it was also so great. I was the only patient there because my surgery was at 5pm. The nurses were amazing again! They were also fun to be around and just took great care of us. We laughed and talked with them a lot! I love nurses that turn something that is not fun, into something that is enjoyable. After surgery, my surgeon took lots of time to talk to my family. My mom is going to write a post about that.
We are so thankful for all the wonderful nurses and doctors that took care of us at both hospitals!!!! We couldn't have asked for better people.
Landon and I with one of my nurses before surgery

Friday, December 10, 2010

A tour of the luxurious hotel I got to spend 3 days in this week.

(This is the story of my recent hospital stay, told with humor to make it interesting)

We didn't anticipate spending a few days at this "hotel" called Mercy (hospital). We thought it would just be a quick pit stop on our journey. Boy, were we wrong!

Warning- going to the ER might result in not being able to leave for several days. You might be subject to countless pokes and visits by the nurses.

(On Saturday, the pain got so much worse so we called the on call doctor and he told us to go to Mercy Hospital. He called them and told them I was coming, and continued to talk to the doctors in the ER.)

Upon arriving on Saturday afternoon, we spent a while waiting in the lobby because it was the place to be apparently. I was treated so nice and even had the privilege of having someone push me around in a wheelchair. Such good service. We were then taken to a room in an area they call the emergency room. The man in charge of the emergency area came in and ordered a CT scan and some pain medicine and fluids.
This was my room in the emergency room
In order to receive medicine and have tests, they had to start an IV on me.
By this time, the ER doctor and on call doctor decided to admit me to keep the pain under control and make sure my appendix didn't rupture. Again, I was escorted in a wheelchair to the floor. I even had a double door entrance!
This hotel has the cutest bracelets ever! I got 3 of them!! Look how cute they are.

The next few pictures are of my luxurious private room. I even had a private bathroom!
Look at that comfy bed!
Such cute wall decorations.
There's even a tv tray so I can eat in bed!!! WOW! Not very many hotels let you do that!
There was a tv hanging from the ceiling...how many hotels have you stayed in that have that?!
Let me describe the bed for you. This is like a sleep number bed. Every 10 minutes or every time you move, the bed forms around you. It makes a terrible noise and moves constantly which definitely didn't bother us all through the night.
If you want to sit up in bed, all you have to do is press a button and there you go! And, the coolest thing the bed does is...
how high it goes!!! My dad discovered this. We had lots of fun playing with this!

Look at that view from my room!

It even had a great view at night!
In case you are scared of the dark, this hotel has lots of nightlights that glow in the dark.


Now, lets talk about room service.

Every night, you have turn down service. During the day, maids come in a clean your room and they don't even kick you out for it! They bring everything you need!

Saturday night, sleep was not there. Nurses came in and out so much. At 5 stinkin AM, this lady comes tearing in my room, grabs my arm, sticks a needle in, and draws blood. Then she leaves. She didn't say anything.

At 6 stinkin AM, the hotel manager decided it was time to talk! He comes in my room and flips on all the lights. I have never in my whole life seen someone as happy as he was at 6 stinkin AM. Good grief, I tried to ignore him to see if he would just go away but he didn't. He decided that I needed exploratory surgery in the next few days.

When the happy guy finally left, we tried to go to sleep and I'm pretty sure I was asleep until 8am. At 8am, they do a Bible reading over the loud speakers. Could we maybe read scripture a little later in the day? I would love to read scripture with you anytime after noon. They did it at 8pm too.

The food service is great. You can order anything you want and they will deliver it to your room! The only problem was that they put me on an all liquid diet so all I could have was pudding, ice cream, some soups, and drinks. But I could order it anytime!
Mmmm doesn't that look yummy?

On the side of the bed at this hotel, there is a button that calls the nurse if you need anything. They come running whenever you call and will get you anything you want!
You definitely won't get lonely at this hotel because there are people coming in and out of your room every hour 24/7.

The floor that I was on was the pediatric floor. There was only one other person on the floor besides me and they were older. Since the hotel wasn't full, the service was great! The nurses would hang out in my room since there was nothing for them to do. It was nice having the floor to ourselves.

Here are some other perks of this hotel.

You get to wear your pajamas and no one expects you to dress up. You're not expected to wear make-up or do your hair.

Showering is optional. With all the IVs and monitors, along with being sick, it's hard to take a shower.

Lots of people want to see your awesome room so they come see you! Okay maybe they don't care about the room.

Well that pretty much sums it up!

I'm writing a more detailed post so that will be coming soon!

Tuesday, December 7, 2010

quick surgery update!

I'm home from the hospital and the surgery went well! I will update in detail in the next few days as Im recovering. The surgeon was shocked at what he found...he took out a cyst the size of an ORANGE, he took out my appendix which was HUGE, he found that I have endrometriosis, and found a TON of internal bleeding. My WHOLE abdomen and pelvis was filled with blood. He said that he would operate on someone with just ONE of those problems and I had 4. Once I have recovered, we will have to figure out a plan to control everything so that this doesn't happen again.
That's the very short version! I have 3 incisions that are pretty big. Bigger than my gallbladder incisions. We didn't know they would be this big! One is 3 inches and the other 2 incisions are about 2 inches. Please pray for a quick recovery with no complications! Thank you!!!!
"the Lord is my strength and my shield; my heart trusts in him, and he helps me. My heart leaps for joy, and with my song i praise him" Psalm 28:7

Surgery today at 5

My surgery is scheduled for 5 this evening!

Sunday, December 5, 2010

Surgery Monday or Tuesday

I will be having exploratory surgery either tomorrow or Tuesday. We should find out tomorrow morning. I've been on a liquid diet to prepare for surgery. Im so thankful to have had so many visitors today and yesterday! It made my day. Im on dilauded for pain and it helps so much. I will update as soon as i know anything. At midnight tonight, i have to be Npo which means nothing to eat or drink. Thank you for your prayers and encouragement!!!

Saturday, December 4, 2010

being admitted to the hospital

I'll explain in detail later but Im being admitted to the hospital. I might be having surgery in the next few days if the pain isn't better. They are keeping me on pain meds to try and control the pain. I'll.update as much as i can.

Friday, December 3, 2010

Cyst gone, appendix out?

Yesterday we went to the doctor and it was very shocking! My appointment was at 10am and we didn't leave until noon. I actually saw 2 doctors. The first one did an exam and was going to send me home to wait and see. They said to call if I got worse. We then explained that I was already worse. I have been to the ER twice and I'm on so much pain medicine. I told her that I could go to the ER everyday because it hurts so much. They finally understood how much pain I'm in. I actually saw a nurse, not the main doctor first. Apparently it takes months to get into the doctor. Once the nurse understood how much pain I'm in, she went to get the main doctor and he wanted to see me immediately. He came in and asked if we had had my appendix checked. We said yes just by blood work. He pressed on my stomach and I about died. Once he did that, his whole demeanor changed. He didn't talk about my cyst anymore. He said in the past 3 weeks, he has seen several women who come in with what they think is cyst pain, and it turns out to be their appendix. He said that he really thinks that's what's going on with me. We talked some more and he wanted blood work and an ultrasound. The blood work is to check my appendix, the ultrasound is to see about my cyst.
I had the blood work before we left his office. My ultrasound was scheduled for yesterday at 3. The ultrasound technician said that my cyst is gone...that's right GONE. So that is not what is causing the pain. That makes it more likely to be my appendix. We were shocked. We thought my appendix was ruled out. The doctor said that we should get the blood work back soon and if it is my appendix (which he's pretty sure about), then he would remove it as soon as possible. You don't want to mess around with that.
So, why did the ER say my appendix was fine? He explained that they just look for infection. The extensive panel that he did, shows more like inflammation and things in detail. It would still need to be removed asap.
It would make sense that it's my appendix because I just haven't been feeling well since the pain started, and a cyst usually would just cause pain. We thought it was weird that the doctor never went back to the cyst, he was focused on my appendix. He's pretty sure that's what it is.
I have an appointment with the doctor again on Wednesday. If I get worse, I will go in sooner. Until then, I can't be alone incase it were to rupture, which most likely is not going to happen but we have to be careful.
It was a crazy day yesterday with many unexpected things! I'm just ready to get whatever it is taken care of.

Video about the 2nd year of treatment!

2 years ago today I was diagnosed with Stage 3 Lyme Disease and I started treatment. Here is the video I made about the 2nd year of treatment. I also added it to the right side of my blog so you can get to it easier.

video

Tuesday, November 30, 2010

Hospital trip in pictures

I decided to document my hospital visit with some pictures. Might as well do something when you're stuck in a little room with no windows all night.

I can't figure out what show we were watching when I took this picture. It might be Hawaii Five-0

This machine is a baby warmer...I asked! Why it is in my room, I have no idea.
This was my view the whole time. Pretty exciting, huh?
I have an appointment with a doctor on Thursday to see what the plan is to take care of my cyst. Thanks for praying!!

update-3:30am after a trip to the hospital

Over the weekend the pain from my cyst was persistent. Yesterday, (Monday) the pain became even worse. I tried everything to ease the pain. I tried taking baths and i took pain medicine. Nothing worked. Around dinner time, the pain was so bad and i took my last pain pill. We didn't know what else to do besides go back to the hospital. So my dad and I went on our usual late night trip to the ER. The usual routine happened and they started an IV and gave me morphine that helped the pain. They sent me home with more pain medicine and today we are supposed to go back to my Primary care doctor. The morphine has made me so sick. I haven't been able to sleep yet but Im getting pretty tired and the nausea is a little better. I'll let you know what we find out at the doctor.

Monday, November 29, 2010

Why I'm still not in school.

I get asked this question a lot. "Why can you do other things, but not go to school?"
I hate when I feel like I have to validate how sick I am, but I completely understand why this doesn't make sense to people.
Again it has to do with an invisible illness. If people see me out, they assume I'm 100% better and feeling good. This is not the case.
I cannot go to school for several reasons.
  • I constantly run fever. You can't go to school with fever or you'll get sent home.
  • My immune system. Do you know how much sickness is in school? I can't afford to catch every cold and flu that goes around.
  • Weakness. There are days that I can't do anything but lay there. I can't even shower because I'm so weak, much less walk around the whole school, climbing stairs, and carrying books.
  • Fatigue. This isn't just "I'm tired fatigue". It's wow! My body just isn't working.
  • Brain problems. I hate the words brain fog because it sounds like a made up excuse. But my concentration, memory, and just brain function has decreased. I'm doing well if I can work on school at home for 30 minutes at a time.
  • Medicine. I have been on pain medicine most days for about 3 months now for various things. I can't go to school on Loritab. Bad idea.
  • Medicine schedules. Whether it be IVs or mixing liquid meds or taking them every hour sometimes, that just can't happen in school.
  • Doctors appointments and tests. I have so many appointments and tests that are during school time. I've spent 11 weeks at my doctor in Nevada. You can only miss school for a few days each semester.
  • General feeling. I can no way sit in school everyday because of pain, fatigue, migraines, dizziness, chills, fever, body aches, and different symptoms. Imagine trying to go to school or work EVERY day with the flu.
  • Sleep issues. Generally, I am sleeping better. I still have nights where I don't sleep because of pain and other things. To be able to walk around the whole school and climb the stairs in the school, you need to be rested.
  • ER trips. I go to the ER a lot. Sometimes during the day, sometimes at night. Sometimes I stay overnight. Again, I would miss so much school, that I wouldn't get credit for any of my classes.
Now, the reasons I can do some things like go to church, go out to eat, and things like that.
  • They are only a couple of hours. Unlike being in school, if I don't feel good, I don't have to go anywhere. If I get somewhere and I don't feel good, I can just go home. You can't do that with school. I would not get credit because I would miss so much.
  • Most times, going to church is the ONLY thing I do all week. I have to prepare by resting the whole week so that I can go to church on Sunday. The recovery period after that one day is then all week. When people see me out, they don't realize that that is the only time I have left my house all week.
  • I'm allowed to be on medicine when I leave my house, unlike at school. Sometimes the only reason I can leave my house is because of pain medicine. I know that sounds bad, but it's true. Whether it be pain medicine for migraines, or general body pain, I'm forced to take it or I'll end up in the ER.
I hope this helps you understand more about day to day life for me. If you have any other questions, just leave a comment or email me and I'll answer them!

Tuesday, November 23, 2010

I just love going to the doctor. Love it!

So maybe the title isn't true. But you sure would think I like it since I'm there all the time. Yesterday I woke up and there was a lump on the bottom of my foot. As the day went on, it got more painful and harder to walk. When I woke up today, the lump was bigger and discolored. It was a lot more painful and I can't walk on it. Since the doctors will be closed for the holiday, my parents decided to take me in today. The doctor was very nice! I had an
xray of my foot and it didn't really show anything. So she didnt really know what it was. It could be a cyst or something else. She gave me a prescription for an anti-inflammatory, as well as some inserts for my shoes. We also told her about my other cyst they found in the ER and how it's not really getting any better. She pressed on places on my stomach and I about screamed! It hurt so much! She scheduled an altrasound for a month from now to see how the cyst is doing. We're praying the anti-inflammatory helps the lump so I can walk again without trouble. One of the nurses at the doctor saw me and said,"you're here again?". I just laughed and said yes.

Monday, November 22, 2010

Oreo balls, sleepless nights, and a little more

Well I got to go to church last Wednesday! It was good to be there, but overwhelming. The energy level there is 10 times normal which is hard to deal with when you don't feel good.
Thursday night was very long. I slept for maybe an hour.
On Friday I got to go to senior lunch with the youth group and youth ministers! That is one of my favorite times of the week. It's so much fun! Then after lunch I went to see my friend at the hospital during her treatment. I headed home after that to rest. Later that night, I was able to go to dinner with another friend!
After dinner, I came home to a house full of people. We had a missions retreat this weekend at our house. The missions committee from church met at our house to discuss things. It was from 6:00-10:00 Friday night, then 9:00 Saturday morning until noon. We had lots of great food and I think it went well.
Again on Friday night I did not sleep hardly at all. Thankfully we had lots of coffee on Saturday for the retreat! Once the missions thing was over, I started to make Oreo balls for Sunday morning youth group class. I'll explain later what they were for!
Oreo Balls

Saturday afternoon/night we had thanksgiving with my dad's side of the family! It was good to get together with everyone.

We got home around 9:30 and I finished the Oreo balls. I then went upstairs thinking I would sleep since I was so exhausted. I was wrong. HGTV has saved my life. Last year when I didn't sleep for so long, I discovered that HGTV is the only channel that doesn't start the infomercials until 2am. Most channels start them earlier. Aren't you glad I enlightened you with that information? So I've watched house hunters until 2 am ever since Thursday.

It's amazing how spastic I am when I don't sleep. All through Saturday night, I just felt so spastic. Then before church Sunday morning, I drank lots of coffee and it worked for a while! I was oddly wide awake even though I had no sleep. So-about the Oreo balls. For class, 8 people made different finger foods. There were donuts, sausage balls, hamburger cupcakes, puppy chow, pigs in a blanket, cheese cake, little smokies, and chocolate covered pretzels. We had to make enough of our food for 30 people. The lesson was about how we are selfish. At the end of the lesson, Phil (youth minister) finally revealed to everyone what was covered up on the tables. No one besides the people who made the food knew what it was. In honor of thanksgiving, we had a "feast". Every person got to pick 1 think they wanted to eat. BUT there were some rules...
You could not get your own food. Someone had to ask you what you wanted, you could not tell someone to get you something. You could not get up if someone was getting your food. And you could not get food for the person who got your food. You couldn't eat until everyone at your table got their food. It was really fun and a special treat!!
I loved getting to go to church! I hadn't been in 3 weeks. My dad had to go to both services because he talked about missions and all the good things happening. For lunch I got to go eat with one of my friends! That was very fun!!
I went home to rest for a couple hours before I had to leave again. At 4, I went to the prayer meeting that the youth group has every week. It's such a wonderful time. Every week more people come. Yesterday we did something different than we have. Someone read a story from the Bible slowly, 3 different times. The first time, you are supposed to picture yourself in the story and what that would be like. The second time, you listen for 1 word or short phrase that God wants you to hear. After the second time, we shared what word stuck out to us. The third time, you listened to how God wants that word to affect you this week. After we heard it the third time, we shared how we can take that one word, and use it this week in our lives. This was the passage.
"As Jesus and his disciples were on their way, he came to a village where a woman named Martha opened her home to him. She had a sister called Mary, who sat at the Lord’s feet listening to what he said. But Martha was distracted by all the preparations that had to be made. She came to him and asked, “Lord, don’t you care that my sister has left me to do the work by myself? Tell her to help me!”
 “Martha, Martha,” the Lord answered, “you are worried and upset about many things, but few things are needed—or indeed only one. Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her.”
-Luke 10:38-42
I underlined the phrases that people said stuck out to them. In this passage, Martha is STILL preparing her home for Jesus, even when he is already there. How many times do we keep preparing for God to use us, and not focus on the present? He is already here and we are busy working for the future. The word listening stuck out to many people. We are so busy in life and don't take time to just listen. That's all God wants us to do. There is so much we learned from each other yesterday, just listening to each other talk about what stuck out and how we can apply it.
The forth step in this is to pray the word or phrase that stuck out to you, back to God and to continue to do that. It was such an encouraging time yesterday!
My brother Landon is in 6th grade. Every year, the 6th grade boys lead worship one Sunday night. Last night was that night! Landon led a prayer and did such a great job!! I'm pretty sure I could never get up in front of thousands and do that..all the boys did so good.

By the time church ended, I was feeling so bad. Once I got home, I got a migraine. Soon after that, I got so nauseous and my side started hurting a lot again from the cyst. It just suddenly got extremely worse. I cried for a long time until we could get the pain under control. I was on so much pain medicine. My vision was blurry and when I got up, I stumbled all over the place. It was a terrible feeling. It took quite a while to get the pain under control. I finally was able to go to sleep!!! I slept until 1am and was up for an hour or two but then went back to sleep. The pain is better today if I keep up with my pain meds. I had stopped taking them last week, which was a nice break from them!

 I hate that I have been on pain medicine more days than not for the past 3 months. I don't think I've gone a whole week without needing it for something. And I'm not someone who just takes it when there's a little pain. It's not worth the side effects. But I have needed them a lot. Hopefully it will all get better soon. 

As to why I've had trouble sleeping, we think it's just the Lyme. When my gallbladder started having problems, my Lyme doctor told us to stop treatments. He wanted me fully recovered before we started treatments again. Again, he stressed that for someone with an already complicated disease, removing an organ is a big deal and treatments would be way too much. So we just haven't started back on the treatments because several things keep coming up. Since we haven't attacked the Lyme in a long time, it's probably attacking and that's why I can't sleep. We are working on getting my medicine schedule so that I can start back up. Bodies can't heal without sleep. Also, did you know bodies can't heal when they are in pain? The immune system can't fight other things if you are in a lot of pain. I thought that was interesting.

I'm making another video about the past year because on December 3rd it will be 2 years since I was diagnosed and started treatment. So be looking for that! I hope you all have a wonderful thanksgiving!

"Give thanks to the Lord, for he is good; his love endures forever." 1 Chronicles 16:34



Tuesday, November 16, 2010

Not much to update!

I'm sorry for not updating more. There hasn't been anything to update really. I've just been hanging out at home having a blast! Well maybe not that last part, but I have been stuck at home. I did go on a car ride to Sonic the other day which was great!
I'm still having pain from the cyst and general tiredness. But it's not been too bad. I've tried getting off the pain medicine because you know how I really hate taking it, but the cyst is still causing too much pain. I haven't been sleeping well ever since coming home from the hospital. I don't know if it's the pain medicine or what.
This weekend a few of my friends including my cousin came to see me! That was so much fun. I was worn out after they left. Then on Saturday another one of my cousins came over while her parents were at a game! We played on the wii and she did my hair and make-up. It was fun.
Last night my family and I went to my grandparent's house up the street to see my great-grandma(dad's grandma)! She will be here for a few weeks which will be great!
Tonight is the high school Bible study with the youth group so I'm going to try and go to that. Usually it's a small group which shouldn't be too overwhelming. It's hard going from not leaving the house for weeks, to somewhere with so many people with lots of energy.
I will try to start updating more!

Wednesday, November 10, 2010

Another hospital bracelet to add to my collection

On Sunday, my brother was sick too so my mom stayed home with us from church. It was actually fun because we had no where to go and had some shows to watch! My dad was still gone to Honduras and Guatemala.
Landon was still sick on Monday so he stayed home from school. We started getting ready for my dad to come home that day. His plane was scheduled to get in at 2:30 in the afternoon. The plan was for my mom to pick up my dad from the airport, then bring him home, then take Landon to the doctor because they thought he had strep.
My mom was planning to leave at about 2:15 and my brother was going to go with her. I really wanted to go but I just felt too sick. A little before 2, my lower back started to hurt a little. All of the sudden, my lower right side, lower back, and lower right part of my stomach started hurting so much. I was laying in the living room so I got up and ran upstairs to take a bath. I've never had anything happen like that before. The pain was worse than my gallbladder pain, which we didn't think was possible. I took some pain medicine but it did nothing to relieve the pain. I couldn't breathe because the pain was so bad. Nausea hit with the pain and I thought I was going to be sick. I was upstairs so I texted my mom and told her that she was going to have to take me in if the pain didn't stop. At that time, I decided that I couldn't even handle taking a bath. I ran downstairs, at this point delirious. I honestly thought that I was going to die. I was shaking and crying. My mom called my grandma to come over immediately. She also called my primary care doctor and asked if we should go there or the hospital. They said go to the hospital right then because they thought it was my appendix. I think my grandma was speeding on the way to my house because she got here fast! She stayed at my house with Landon since he was sick and couldn't go to the hospital.
On the way to the hospital, my mom texted my dad and told him what was going on. Thankfully, he was with people from church, so they were able to take him to the church and my grandma and Landon picked him up there.
We got to the hospital around 2:30 I think. They took my vitals in triage and said it shouldn't be too long. My heart rate kept going from 140-160 bpm and my blood pressure was low. I don't know why my blood pressure was low since I was in so much pain. But the high heart rate showed how much pain I was in. I also still had a low grade fever. We sat in the waiting room for so long. Probably over an hour. I was so angry because it didn't look crowded. Did they forget that I was hurting and it could be my appendix? What if it ruptured right there in the waiting room and they didn't even know? I looked down and I was wearing a shirt that said love God, love people. I really was not loving those people who were taking so long. The director of the emergency room came out and had me do a test to hopefully speed up the waiting time once we were in my room. They finally took me to a room and we waited some more. The doctor came in and asked why i was there and ordered some tests. He also wanted a CT scan. A while later, the director of the ER came in again to see how things were going. She was very sweet. She said that they had several unexpected ambulances come in which is why it was taking so long. They even had people on stretchers in the hall because they ran out of rooms.
The nurse came in to get blood tests. At first they were not even going to start an IV, but they saw how much pain I was in and decided they needed to give me pain medicine. We didn't tell them that I had a port because usually they say they can't use a port. So that means they have to find a vein. She tried twice, and said she had to get another nurse because they are only allowed to try two times. That's when we told her that I had a port. She said that she loves using ports! The reason some people can't use them, is because you have to be an RN. If you are an LPN, you can't access ports. We asked why that is, and they said that accessing a port is looked at as a procedure because it's very invasive. LPNs don't have as much training so they can't do it. That explains why some people say they can't access my port.
I really didn't want my port accessed because I don't like random people doing it. Some people don't hold the port while they put the needle in, so the port moves around and it is very uncomfortable. It's not something that I feel comfortable with just anyone doing. The nurses understood that.
Three more nurses came in to look at my veins. One of them tried in my hand and got it! Third time's the charm. For some reason, they didn't hook me up to IV fluids even though they said that I was dehydrated. They took the blood they needed and she went to get the pain and nausea medicine. I could not wait. The pain was still intense and had been for a couple hours now. She put the nausea medicine in first, then the morphine.
Right after she put the morphine in, the pain got three times worse, my mom said my face turned bright red, I got out of breath, and I got so hot and started sweating. I began throwing myself side to side, trying to help the pain. I was crying and groaning, almost screaming. The nurse didn't know what to do. She ran to tell the doctor and they decided to give me another dose of morphine. Since my pain was so bad, we thought it would just take several doses to break through. The nurse gave me the second dose of morphine and the pain got even worse, and the same thing happened again. The pain was unbelievable and no one knew what to do. I was going from side to side because I didn't know what to do! They called the doctor and nurses in my room. They got cold washcloths and put on my head to try and cool me down. They decided to switch pain medicines. I was given a dose of Toradol. They said it would take 15-20 minutes for it to work. They said they had never seen that happen before.
I was so thirsty from the episodes but I wasn't allowed to eat or drink in case I had to have surgery. That was frustrating.
Sometime during those episodes, the doctor came in and said they ruled out that it was my appendix. They also ruled kidney stones or infection. He said that he wanted an ultrasound instead of a CT scan now that he had ruled those things out.
Ultrasound came and got me and took me to another part of the hospital. The nurse was so nice. She did my gallbladder ultrasound so we already knew her. The Toradol started kicking in during the ultrasound! We were in ultrasound for over an hour. My dad arrived at the hospital while we were in ultrasound. They took me back to my room once we were done. We got to my room at 8 or so which means that there were new doctors and nurses. They had a shift change at 7. A while later, the new doctor (which we've had before and have had problems with) came in. I think he remembered us because he didn't make eye contact and was in and out very fast. He said they found a cyst on the ultrasound. They would send me home with pain medicine and I was supposed to see another new doctor to get medicine so that I won't get anymore cysts.
The pain was already returning so when the new nurse came in we asked for another dose. The Toradol is not a narcotic, it's a very strong anti-inflammatory. The nurse said no, your chart is already closed so we can't do that. We could not believe that! How hard is it to scan my bracelet and open my chart back up? So I didn't get another dose and they sent me home.
We got home around 9 or 10 that night I think. It was a very long ER trip. They sent me home with Loritab to help with the pain.
The pain has been better. It's not terrible, but it hurts when I'm up. The pain medicine helps for the most part. I'm just taking it easy and resting. My mom stayed home with me yesterday, but today I'm on my own.
Once when I was in Children's hospital for Lyme pain, they gave me Toradol and I had the same reaction that I did with the morphine. They gave me morphine and it helped the pain. On Monday, it was the opposite. Morphine made the pain worse, and Toradol made it better! I guess it depends on what kind of pain I have.
Thank you all for your prayers! It's amazing how fast things can change and how fast pain can hit

Saturday, November 6, 2010

Fever fever go away, I want to have some fun today

I love changing the words to rain rain go away and getting it stuck in your head! You're welcome.

I haven't updated because I've not been feeling very well. On Wednesday I went and ate lunch with some of my friends at Chick fil a and came home and started not feeling well. I didn't feel terrible, I just could tell I was getting sick. So I didn't go to church. Thursday morning I was positive I was getting sick because I really struggled to make it up the stairs. Thursday night I went to see the musical at OC and it was great! I probably shouldn't have gone since I was getting sick, but I really wanted to go. I think I really over did it. I have problems with doing too much because I feel horrible canceling plans.

So yesterday I woke up feeling terrible. I feel like I have a cold with body aches and fever. All I've done is laid in the living room. I thought I would sleep well last night because of the fatigue but I sure didn't...I was up a lot of the night with chills and fever. I would fall asleep for 10 or 20 minutes at a time and have nightmares every time. And they were horrible nightmares.

This weekend is homecoming at Oklahoma Christian University and I had a lot of plans! I hate having to cancel things so much...

Today I feel about the same. Apparently a lot of people have this and my mom is having head and fatigue problems too. My dad gets back from Guatemala and Honduras on Monday! We are ready for him to be home! Several of my friends who have Lyme are in the hospital so I guess it's been a bad week for everyone. Sorry for the short update, hopefully I'll start feeling better soon!

 "Praise be to the Lord, to God our Savior,
   who daily bears our burdens.
Our God is a God who saves!" Psalm68:19-20

Tuesday, November 2, 2010

the Voice of Truth

I can't believe that it is November! My dad has been gone to Honduras with the preacher from our church since Saturday! They are also going to Guatemala tomorrow I think and won't be home until next Monday.
Last week, my homebound teacher came and we went over the plan. I'm doing one subject at a time because it's really overwhelming to try and do all of them at once. Last Tuesday I started US History and yesterday I finished the whole class!! I did 31 chapters in 6 days. I have to say that I'm very proud of that. I worked very hard!
In this world, there are so many lies and statistics that we listen to. So many things keep us back from living our life to full. Lies tell us that we can't do something. Statistics tell us that we don't have a chance. But God tells us that that we can do it and that everything is for His glory. That is so reassuring. I love the chorus of this song.
But the Voice of truth tells me a different story
the Voice of truth says "do not be afraid!"
and the Voice of truth says "this is for My glory"
Out of all the voices calling out to me
I will choose to listen and believe the Voice of truth
This song talks about all the voices telling us we can't do it. But we should listen to the only true voice, which is Christ.
The Voice of Truth by Casting Crowns
Oh,what I would do to have
the kind of faith it takes
To climb out of this boat I'm in
Onto the crashing waves
To step out of my comfort zone
Into the realm of the unknown
Where Jesus is,
And he's holding out his hand
But the waves are calling out my name
and they laugh at me
Reminding me of all the times
I've tried before and failed
The waves they keep on telling me
time and time again
"Boy, you'll never win,
You you'll never win
But the Voice of truth tells me a different story
the Voice of truth says "do not be afraid!"
and the Voice of truth says "this is for My glory"
Out of all the voices calling out to me
I will choose to listen and believe the Voice of truth
Oh, what I would do
to have the kind of strength it takes
To stand before a giant
with just a sling and a stone
Surrounded by the sound
of a thousand warriors
shaking in their armor
Wishing they'd have had the strength to stand
But the giant's calling out
my name and he laughs at me
Reminding me of all the times
I've tried before and failed
The giant keeps on telling me
time and time again
"Boy you'll never win,
you'll never win."
But the voice of truth tells me a different story
the Voice of truth says "do not be afraid!"
and the Voice of truth says "this is for My glory"
Out of all the voices calling out to me
I will choose to listen and believe the Voice of truth
But the stone was just the right size
to put the giant on the ground
and the waves they don't seem so high
from on top of them looking down
I will soar with the wings of eagles
when I stop and listen to the sound of Jesus
singing over me
But the Voice of truth tells me a different story
The Voice of truth says "do not be afraid!"
And the Voice of truth says "this is for my glory"
Out of all the voices calling out to me (calling out to me)
I will choose to listen and believe (I will choose to listen and believe)
I will choose to listen and believe the Voice of truth
I will listen and believe
I will listen and believe the Voice of truth
I will listen and believe
'Cause Jesus you are the Voice of truth
And I will listen to you.. oh you are the Voice of truth

Saturday, October 30, 2010

Senior pictures sneak peak

Click on this link and then you should be able to see a few of my pictures!
Senior pictures sneak peak

Thursday, October 28, 2010

Costume Contest!

As some of you have guessed, I was making a costume! Yesterday the youth group had a costume contest. We also painted pumpkins! The only rules for the costume contest was that you couldn't be a person or character. I decided to be an IV pole! And guess what? I won!!

My real IV pole at home comes apart so I took the top off and used it as the top of my costume. I hung a real IV bag on it above my head. I made the IV pump out of a box and wore it around me. I put the IV pole legs coming off of my legs. Let me tell you, it was not comfortable at all! It was very hard to walk in and almost impossible to sit it. But it was so much fun!!!!

Tuesday, October 26, 2010

What am I making and why?

I'm making something with all of these objects...

What do you think it is and what am I doing with it? 

Saturday, October 23, 2010

Too many cards to count!

This just looks like an ordinary bag from the outside. A very cute ordinary bag. But it is so much more than what meets the eye.
This is what's inside...hundreds of cards that I've received!
Look at how much support God has given me! I am so blessed!!
Here's some more cards that my brother put on my wall!
All of these note cards are from my youth group. There's so many!
These are cards that I received just on the day of my gallbladder surgery. There is a journal with notes from everyone who came to the hospital!
I've gotten cards from so many different groups of people, from many states. These are from some of the children at church!
I found a card from when I had surgery a year ago to have my port put in. It's from the hospital's nurses. I thought that was really funny that they thanked me for having surgery there. I didn't really have a choice but thanks?
If those cards don't make your day, I don't know what will!
"I thank my God every time I remember you. In all my prayers for all of you, I always pray with joy "
Philippians 1:3-4

Friday, October 22, 2010

200th Post! and random things

This is my 200th post! Woohoo! Thank you for continuing to read and support me!!

This week has been good. Yesterday and Wednesday I got to spend the day with my friend while she gets treatment at the hospital. We've just watched tv and played words with friend. It's been fun!!

Tuesday I received a package from Vienna, Austria! We have friends that moved there and they sent me the sweetest thing. They made me a necklace with the Lyme disease awareness color, lime green. I cannot believe they made this! It is gorgeous!! I also got a card made by their sweet kids. They said that while they made the necklace, they prayed for me. How cool is that?! I love it!


Today it has been raining and storming. It has been so dark all day! My poor dog has been in the laundry room all day and won't come out. It's quite funny, I mean sad.

Have any of you watched the new series the Event? It's very difficult to explain, but part of it reminds us of what is happening with Lyme disease. In the show, this group of people has a disease that the CDC doesn't know how to treat. So what do they do? They lie to the public and don't acknowledge it. They try to hide it so that they don't have to deal with it. Well there are a couple of people who are trying to expose the truth to the public, but the government is trying to kill them so the truth doesn't get out! Kinda sounds like Lyme...doctors are having their licenses taken away if they treat Lyme. Lyme advocates are being threatened and being called liers. It's just very strange that this show is happening while the same type of thing is happening in real life. The show is very good though!!

Tuesday, October 19, 2010

Weekend Update!

I had a wonderful weekend! Saturday night we went to Brick Town which is what downtown OKC is called! We went with the missionary couple from Brazil and had such a great time.
Sunday was a great day too. I got to go to church!!!! The lesson on Sunday morning was so encouraging. It was about the Resurrection of Christ and what that means for us. We looked at proof that scholars that have found that the Resurrection really happened. Most of the scholars didn't even believe in Christ before they studied the evidence. For us, the Resurrection means that we will be resurrected after death and go to heaven. Once we have accepted Christ, we have assurance of heaven. Yes, there are so many trials in this life, but we can go through them with JOY because we know that they won't last. We know that in heaven there will be no death or sickness or sin. It's amazing to look at people who are suffering and see the joy and hope they have because they know that it's only temporary. We need to focus on what is ahead of us.
"So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal." 2 Corinthians 4:18
1 Corinthians 15 is so encouraging to read!
"I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world." John 16:33
Death doesn't have the final word. Sickness doesn't have the final word. Sin doesn't have the final word. Jesus already overcame those things when He went to the cross for us. We now can live with HOPE and JOY!!
"I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus" Philippians 3:14
"For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. 18So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal." 2 Corinthians 4:17-18
Sunday afternoon at 4 I had a prayer team meeting. We meet every Sunday for an hour before evening worship to pray. I can't even describe what happened this Sunday during our prayer time. God was so present and everyone had such peace. It was incredible. We all kept hearing the word purpose during the quiet times and people sharing. Usually we are done at 5 for church but this week we went until 5:30 and didn't even know! It went by so fast!! I'm so thankful for these people and their hearts of wanting to grow closer to God. Every week our prayer group grows and I can't wait to see how God uses us.
Yesterday I woke up with a migraine and was really not happy about it because I was going to take my senior pictures yesterday! Thankfully with migraine medicine and pain medicine I got it to a bearable point. Hopefully you can't see it in my eyes!
The pictures were SO much fun to take! We went downtown to some old buildings and then to a beautiful field with flowers. The weather was perfect and we were at the field at sunset which will look great!! We took pictures for about 3 hours so I was pretty worn out.
This morning I woke up and my migraine has gotten worse. I've been nauseous and so sensitive to noise and light. It's a little better after another migraine pill and pain medicine and a bath.
For the pictures, I had to sit then get up and stand then sit again and it was hard work! I even climbed up on this ledge under a bride and today I am so sore!! How sad is that?! Maybe it's from the migraine too but I thought that was funny. Obviously I'm so out of shape since I've done no physical activity for 3 years. At least it was worth the pain! I'm so excited to see the pictures.
I read this story today and I thought I would share because it's a great example of our purpose in life. We are not here for us. We are here to help others.
The Heart



"Tomorrow morning," the surgeon began, "I'll open up your heart..."


"You'll find Jesus there," the boy interrupted.


The surgeon looked up, annoyed "I'll cut your heart open," he continued, to see how much damage has been done..."


"But when you open up my heart, you'll find Jesus in there," said the boy.


The surgeon looked to the parents, who sat quietly. "When I see how much damage has been done, I'll sew your heart and chest back up, and I'll plan what to do next."


"But you'll find Jesus in my heart. The Bible says He lives there. The hymns all say He lives there. You'll find Him in my heart."


The surgeon had had enough. "I'll tell you what I'll find in your heart. I'll find damaged muscle, low blood supply, and weakened vessels. And I'll find out if I can make you well."


"You'll find Jesus there too. He lives there." The surgeon left. The surgeon sat in his office, recording his notes from the surgery, "...damaged aorta, damaged pulmonary vein, widespread muscle degeneration. No hope for transplant, no hope for cure. Therapy: painkillers and bed rest. Prognosis:, "There he paused, "death within one year."
He stopped the recorder, but there was more to be said. "Why?" he asked aloud. "Why did You do this? You've put him here; You've put him in this pain; and You've cursed him to an early death. Why?"


The Lord answered and said, "The boy, My lamb, was not meant for your flock for long, for he is a part of My flock, and will forever be. Here, in My flock, he will feel no pain, and will be comforted as you cannot imagine. His parents will one day join him here, and they will know peace, and My flock will continue to grow." The surgeon's tears were hot, but his anger was hotter. "You created that boy, and You created that heart. He'll be dead in months. Why?"


The Lord answered, "The boy, My lamb, shall return to My flock, for He has Done his duty: I did not put My lamb with your flock to lose him, but to retrieve another lost lamb. YOU" The surgeon wept.. The surgeon sat beside the boy's bed; the boy's parents sat across from him. The boy awoke and whispered, "Did you cut open my heart?"


"Yes," said the surgeon.


"What did you find?" asked the boy.


"I found Jesus there," said the surgeon.


Author Unknown