Easter!...a few days late

Yes, I realize Easter was several days ago. I was in too much of a pain medicine fog to form any kind of thoughts. Slowly, I'm coming out of the fog.

Back to Easter. This year, Easter was different. This year, Easter meant more. I wish I wouldn't have just gone through the "Easter" routine for the past 18 years. You know the routine. Buy new clothes, eat a big lunch at home, get Easter baskets, have an Easter egg hunt, oh and you get to wear white after Easter. For so many years, I've just gone through the motions. During church I'll listen to the sermon and think about the Resurrection, but once church is over, I'm mostly focused on the earthly things that we do on Easter. I hate that I've taken it for granted so many years.

Last year, Easter meant more because my mom and I were at my doctor in Reno, Nevada. We had been there for a little over a month by then. I was too sick to go to church and the rest of my family was back home in Oklahoma. There was no big Easter lunch because I didn't feel like eating. So last year, I thought more about the true meaning because I was unable to do the normal activities.

This year, on my 19th Easter, I was more thankful for Christ's resurrection than I have ever been. Because Jesus rose from the dead, death does not have the final say! Because Jesus rose from the dead, I will see Rebecca again! Because Jesus rose from the dead, you and I, and anyone else who accepts Christ will LIVE! Death has no sting! Death has no victory! Jesus conquered sin!

Before Rebecca went to be with Jesus, no one that close to me had passed away. Sure, I know lots of people who have gone to Heaven, but no one as close as her.
Ever since she went to Heaven, I've noticed so many songs that talk about Christ conquering the grave, and death having no sting! I still can't believe how I have missed that my whole life. Here are parts of songs that talk about that.

I Will Rise
"Jesus has overcome
And the grave is overwhelmed
The victory is won
He is risen from the dead 

And I will rise when He calls my name
No more sorrow, no more pain
I will rise on eagles' wings
Before my God fall on my knees
And rise
I will rise"


Mighty to Save
"Savior, He can move the mountains,
My God is Mighty to save,
He is Mighty to save.
Forever, Author of salvation,
He rose and conquered the grave,Jesus conquered the grave.


In Christ Alone
"There in the ground His body lay
Light of the world by darkness slain:
Then bursting forth in glorious Day
Up from the grave he rose again!
And as He stands in victory
Sin's curse has lost its grip on me,
For I am His and He is mine -
Bought with the precious blood of Christ.

No guilt in life, no fear in death,
This is the power of Christ in me;
From life's first cry to final breath.
Jesus commands my destiny.
No power of hell, no scheme of man,
Can ever pluck me from His hand;
Till He returns or calls me home,
Here in the power of Christ I'll stand."


Glorious Day
"Living He loved me, dying He saved me
And buried He carried my sins far away
Rising He justified freely forever
One day He's coming, oh, glorious day, oh, glorious day"


Because He Lives
"God sent His son, they called Him Jesus
He came to love, heal, and forgive.
He lived and died to buy my pardon,
An empty grave is there to prove my Savior lives.

Because He lives, I can face tomorrow.
Because He lives, All fear is gone.
Because I know He holds the future,
And life is worth the living just because He lives.

How sweet to hold a newborn baby,
And feel the pride and joy he gives.
But greater still the calm assurance,
This child can face uncertain days because He lives.

Because He lives, I can face tomorrow.
Because He lives, All fear is gone.
Because I know He holds the future,
And life is worth the living just because He lives.
And then one day I'll cross the river,
I'll fight life's final war with pain. 
And then as death gives way to victory,
I'll see the lights of glory and I'll know He lives.


Because He lives, I can face tomorrow.
Because He lives, All fear is gone!
Because I know He holds the future
And life is worth the living just because He lives!"




Here are some verses about the Resurrection. 


"I am the resurrection and the life. He who believes in me will live, even though he dies; and whoever lives and believes in me will never die." John 11:25-26


"Where, O death, is your victory?
Where, O death, is your sting?”
The sting of death is sin, and the power of sin is the law. But thanks be to God! He gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ." 1 Corinthians 15:55-57

"Why do you look for the living among the dead? He is not here; he has risen!" Luke 24:5-6

"Now if we died with Christ, we believe that we will also live with him.  For we know that since Christ was raised from the dead, he cannot die again; death no longer has mastery over him. The death he died, he died to sin once for all; but the life he lives, he lives to God." Romans 6:8-10


"We believe that Jesus died and rose again and so we believe that God will bring with Jesus those who have fallen asleep in him." 1 Thessalonians 4:14


As two of my friends and Rebecca's mom and sister took flowers to Rebecca's grave on Easter, we were able to smile and laugh because we know this isn't the end. Because of Jesus conquering sin and death, we know that Rebecca is alive and well in Heaven. Because of Jesus conquering sin and death, we know that one day, we will be reunited with her when we meet Jesus face to face.

Everyday is a day of rejoicing because Jesus has overcome death and sin! Praise God! I'm thankful that I now have a new perspective. I am able to really appreciate what Jesus has done for us. Since Rebecca went to be with Jesus, a day hasn't gone by that I haven't thanked God for Christ's resurrection. I won't be able to live life the same now, and for that I am thankful.

"Because He lives, I can face tomorrow!"

Great quote

"When you feel like you're drowning in life's situation, don't worry. Your life guard walks on water!"

A couple quick thoughts.

I'm doing better than I was last week. My pain is mostly controlled with the new pain medicine. Yesterday, I didn't take scheduled doses of pain medicine so that I could see if I could get off of it. However, the pain came back which led to a restless night with lots of pain. I'll try again soon.

A month ago today Rebecca went to be with Jesus. It seems like so long ago, but also like it happened yesterday. I miss her so much, but I'm praising God that she's safe with Him-cancer free. I can only imagine how joyful and peaceful she is.

I don't like when people say someone lost their battle to the disease if they pass away from it. Christ has overcome everything. If they were a Christian, they actually beat the disease when they went to Heaven. If they were a Christian, the disease didn't win. Those people who know Jesus and pass away battling a disease are finally free from it! Diseases can't win. Diseases don't have the final say. Death doesn't have the final say. Jesus conquered them!

I can't remember if I posted this song already. I heard it for the first time the day after Rebecca went to be with Jesus. I love it. It makes you think about how you live each day. 


Live Like That by Sidewalk Prophets
"Sometimes I think
What will people say of me 
When I'm only just a memory
When I'm home where my soul belongs

Was I love
When no one else would show up 
Was I Jesus to the least of us
Was my worship more than just a song

I want to live like that
And give it all I have
So that everything I say and do
Points to You 

If love is who I am
Then this is where I'll stand
Recklessly abandoned
Never holding back

I want to live like that
I want to live like that

Am I proof
That You are who you say You are
That grace can really change a heart
Do I live like Your love is true

People pass
And even if they don't know my name
Is there evidence that I've been changed
When they see me, do they see You 

I want to live like that
And give it all I have
So that everything I say and do
Points to You 

If love is who I am
Then this is where I'll stand
Recklessly abandoned
Never holding back

I want to live like that
I want to live like that

I want to show the world the love You gave for me
I'm longing for the world to know the glory of the King

I want to live like that
And give it all I have
So that everything I say and do
Points to You 
If love is who I am
Then this is where I'll stand
Recklessly abandoned
Never holding back

I want to live like that
I want to live like that"


I love the part that says "when they see me do they see you?" When people look at me and my life, do they see Christ? Do they see that even in the hardest times, I have hope and joy through Christ? Does everything I do point to God and glorify Him? 

Baptisms

The past several weeks have been so encouraging! At the Jr High church camp, there were 7 or 8 (I think, from what my brother says) middle schoolers baptized! The next Sunday at church there were 6 that were baptized! Two of the girls we have known forever. Our families have been friends for a long time. One is going into 8th grade and the other is in high school. I'm so sad that I wasn't able to be there because I was sick.

Then that Wednesday night after church, 2 more of our friends were baptized! They are our neighbors too which is great! They are siblings and one will be in 7th grade, and the other is in high school. It was so special!

At the high school camp, there were around 10 that were baptized I think!

Then on July 10th, my brother was baptized along with 3 others that day!

In the past month, there have been 34 teenagers who have given their lives to Christ in baptism! Six of them were not members of our church, meaning their parents don't go to church here. They are already sharing what God has done with their families who do not know Christ.

There have also been many adults baptized recently too!

I love seeing people decide to give their lives to Christ in baptism. I was baptized on August 21, 2005. My best friend was also baptized then. Her dad baptized her, and my dad baptized me. It was the day before school started!

Baptism is such a special, life-changing thing. It's when we confess Christ in front of people, and then put on Christ in baptism. It's an outward expression of an inward change.

'Then he (Jesus) said to them all: “If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me.' Luke 9:23


'Peter replied, “Repent and be baptized, every one of you, in the name of Jesus Christ for the forgiveness of your sins. And you will receive the gift of the Holy Spirit.' Acts 2:38


Through baptism, we are crucified with Christ (going down under the water), then are resurrected (coming out of the water). We die to our old selves, and start a new life with Christ. We are born again into a new life!

"Or don’t you know that all of us who were baptized into Christ Jesus were baptized into his death? ⁴ We were therefore buried with him through baptism into death in order that, just as Christ was raised from the dead through the glory of the Father, we too may live a new life.

 ⁵ If we have been united with him like this in his death, we will certainly also be united with him in his resurrection." Romans 6:3-5

 "Jesus answered, “I tell you the truth, no one can enter the kingdom of God unless he is born of water and the Spirit. ⁶ Flesh gives birth to flesh, but the Spirit^[b] gives birth to spirit" John 3:5-6

'You are all sons of God through faith in Christ Jesus, ²⁷ for all of you who were baptized into Christ have clothed yourselves with Christ.' Galatians 3:26-27

 


The angels in Heaven rejoice even if only 1 person is baptized. I can't imagine what rejoicing they have been doing with all of these baptisms! I don't think it's possible to watch a baptism without smiling. It can turn anything into a great day!


Praise God that He forgives us of our sins and makes us white as snow in baptism. Our names are written in the book of life and we have the hope of spending eternity in Heaven where there will be no more pain, death, suffering, or tears. 


"He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away.” Revelation 21:4

Here are pictures of Landon's baptism!!

Landon's confession

My grandpa leading a prayer before the baptism

Aww brother-sister hug

New brother in Christ!

My grandpa with Landon

Alyx, Andrew, Landon, and I

Look at my face in this one! It's crazy

Grandparents

Things are about the same today. I wish I could say it's better, but it's not. I've been sleeping about 12-14 hours at night and I'm still so exhausted. All the pain medicine makes me pretty groggy too. Yesterday my stomach started swelling up, most likely from all the fluid and blood in my abdomen and pelvis. It's still very swollen. I took a shower today which felt really good since I hadn't showered in a while from just being too sick. I take multiple baths a day to see if that will help with the pain. Sometimes it does, sometimes it makes it worse. I'm still not okay will the "wait and see" thing that's going on, but I honestly don't know what to do about that. How can they tell me to wait for 2 weeks, when they don't know how much it hurts and how sick I feel? I don't ever want anyone to know how this feels, but I wish someone would listen and do something about it instead of sending me home. I'm trying to be tough but i'm so tired of this terrible pain! It seems like everyday it hurts a little more, but there's nothing I can do about it. I keep wanting to take myself to the ER but I don't think that will happen. I just need relief soon. Please keep praying.
Here's a song by Steven Curtis Chapman and then some Bible verses.
"This is not how it should be
This is not how it could be
But this is how it is, and our God is in control
This is not how it will be When we finally will see We'll see with our own eyes, He was always in control
And we'll sing holy, holy, holy is our God And we will finally really understand what it means
So we'll sing holy, holy, holy is our God, while we're waiting for that day
This is not where we planned to be
When we started this journey
But this is where we are And our God is in control
Though this first taste is bitter There will be sweetness forever
When we finally taste and see That our God is in control
And we'll sing holy, holy, holy is our God
And we will finally really understand what it means
So we'll sing holy, holy, holy is our God While we're waiting for that day We're waiting for that day We'll keep on waiting for that day
And we will rise
Holy, Holy, Holy
Our God is in control"
"Though the fig tree does not bud
and there are no grapes on the vines,
though the olive crop fails
and the fields produce no food,
though there are no sheep in the pen
and no cattle in the stalls, yet I will rejoice in the Lord,
I will be joyful in God my Savior." Habakkuk 3:17-18
"The Lord is good,
a refuge in times of trouble.
He cares for those who trust in him" Nahum 1:7
"When you pass through the waters,
I will be with you;
and when you pass through the rivers,
They will not sweep over you.
When you walk through the fire,
You will not be burned;
The flames will not set you ablaze." Isaiah 43:2

Winterfest, part 2

"And so, dear brothers and sisters, I plead with you to give your bodies to God because of all he has done for you. Let them be a living and holy sacrifice—the kind he will find acceptable. This is truly the way to worship him." Romans 12:1 (NLT)
On Saturday morning, we headed to the conference center for worship and a lesson. This missionary came and told us this amazing story that happened to him in New Zealand. He told us how to talk to people who don't believe in God. It was incredible!! I wish I could explain it all on here, but I can't.
At noon, the sessions break for lunch, so we went to a mall we always go to. My friends and I ate the Rainforest Cafe and then walked around. We left the mall at 3 and went back to the hotel for free time. The hotel we stay in has an atrium in the middle and all the rooms open to that. It's so much fun because the whole hotel is full of people at Winterfest, so there's so much entertainment! We like to just sit outside our room and people watch. We ate dinner, then went back to the conference center for the evening sessions.
Saturday night is always so great. The lessons are always so practical, but deep and challenging. We were shown how much time we spend doing things. We spend so much time watching tv, sleeping, facebooking, and even getting dressed and going to the bathroom. But how much time do we spend with the Creater of the earth? It's not very much. On stage, there was a huge container with pennies in it. There were 86,400 pennies. That represented how many seconds we have in each day. What would it cost us to follow Christ? Is it worth it? Yes, it is. On Friday night, we SAW that God is worth it. He is so mighty! The speaker took a handful of pennies and threw one by one on the floor as each second went by. That's how fast it goes. We never get that back. As we continued worshiping, we were asked to get out our pennies, quarters, dimes, or nickles, and take them to the stage. This represented us giving our time to God. It was so moving to see people with handfuls of change, trying to get through the crowds, bringing it all to God. There were groups of people praying with each other, people worshiping on their knees, and tears running down on everyone's faces.
One of the main points was that God is worthy of our praise, NOT just at church when we sing, but every second. You don't have to cancel everything in your life to worship God. You just have to put Him in everything, in every second of your life. That is what God calls us to.
At the hotel that night, 2 teens decided to accept Christ in baptism. One from our church, one from another. As we all gathered in the pool room, we sang praises as we saw our new sisters in Christ being baptized. It was so exciting and joyful!
Sunday morning was also very moving. All weekend we kept seeing the number 31,536,000 but we never knew what it was. They finally told us that that is how many seconds we have in a year. God is worthy of our praise 31,536,000 seconds a year. They pulled all the pennies out of the container on stage, and underneath was a cross.
"Worship is 31,536,000"
We repeated this phrase over and over.
"Worship is not how you sing, but how you obey"
Worship is not how you sing, but how you live your life. Yes, we can worship God at church when we sing, but we can also worship him in everything we do.
This was the main verse for the weekend. Here's 2 different translations.
"Therefore, I urge you, brothers and sisters, in view of God’s mercy, to offer your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and pleasing to God—this is your true and proper worship." Romans 12:1 (NIV)
"So here's what I want you to do, God helping you: Take your everyday, ordinary life—your sleeping, eating, going-to-work, and walking-around life—and place it before God as an offering. Embracing what God does for you is the best thing you can do for him. Don't become so well-adjusted to your culture that you fit into it without even thinking. Instead, fix your attention on God. You'll be changed from the inside out. Readily recognize what he wants from you, and quickly respond to it. Unlike the culture around you, always dragging you down to its level of immaturity, God brings the best out of you, develops well-formed maturity in you." Romans 12:1-2 (the Message)

Winterfest 2011, part 1

I had such a good weekend! Over the next few days, I will write about everything that happened at Winterfest. There's too much to write in one post!

The theme this year was Worthy. We left the church at 3pm and arrived in Arlington, Texas at 8pm. Winterfest is a youth conference held at the convention center in Arlington. I think there are around 6,000 people there.

On Friday night, we started with worship. Six thousand people lifting their voices without instruments is incredible. We then listened to James Waugh talk about how God is worthy of our praise. It was a great lesson! He showed us the stars and how far away they are. He showed us how our galaxy is just one of millions. He showed us how small we really are, and how big our God really is. We saw several videos that showed us again, how big everything is that God created.

We read this verse several times.

"The heavens delare the glory of God; the skies proclaim the work of his hands.

Day after day they pour forth speech;
night after night they reveal knowledge.
They have no speech, they use no words;
no sound is heard from them.
Yet their voice goes out into all the earth,
their words to the ends of the world." Psalm 19:1-4a

We talked about our DNA and how mind blowing that really is. We each have our own DNA. No one that has ever lived, or will live, has the same DNA as us. We each were given a thimble. We were then told how many people's DNA would actually fit in that thimble. I don't remember the number because it was such a big number. We were shown how tiny every red blood cell, platelet, and everything in our body is. It's so complex and amazing. We saw how small an embryo is, and the miracle of that.

We read verses about how special we are to God, because He created each of us unique, and knew us before we were even created.

"For you created my inmost being;

you knit me together in my mother’s womb.
I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
your works are wonderful,
I know that full well.
My frame was not hidden from you
when I was made in the secret place,
when I was woven together in the depths of the earth.
Your eyes saw my unformed body;
all the days ordained for me were written in your book
before one of them came to be.
How precious to me are your thoughts, God!
How vast is the sum of them!
Were I to count them,
they would outnumber the grains of sand—
when I awake, I am still with you." Psalm 139:13-18

During the lesson, we heard the story of this man's twin daughters. He and his wife had twin baby girls who were healthy. They took them home from the hospital, and 10 days later, the babies got very sick. They were admitted to the hospital and MRIs and CAT scans showed that both of the babies had brain damage. We were shown their scans of their brains and everywhere was white. White represented brain damage. They were told to cherish the time they had with babies in the hospital because they would never bring them home. Everyone they knew started praying for healing. 

The dad was at Winterfest, and reenacted a conversation that he had with the speaker at the hospital, shortly after they were told the news. They pretended like they were in the waiting room at the hospital. They went back and forth, saying they don't understand. The dad was angry. How could this happen to his innocent daughters? They prayed together. We saw the raw emotion of that time.

Everyone had tears in the eyes. It was so sad. The speaker finished telling the story. The family was told to prepare for the worst. The dad wanted just one more MRI. The doctors finally agreed. On the screen, we saw the MRIs that the dad pushed for. There was no white anywhere, there was no brain damage. The doctors were shocked, this was medically impossible. They got to leave the hospital with their girls shortly after! How does brain damage just disappear? The only way is that our God healed them. We then saw pictures of the girls today, as healthy as can be. It was so incredible! Our God is a God who heals.

So on Friday night, we SAW that God is worthy of our praise!

We got to the hotel at 11pm and had a short devo. We all finally quiteted down, and everyone went to bed around 2am. I of course could not sleep. I slept from 4-5 so that's better than nothing!

Here are a few pictures. These were actually taken at the mall we went to on Saturday afternoon.

Rachel, Alex, me, Natalie

Dustee and I with Rachel and Alex creeping in the back ground! Haha

Alex and I

Rachel and I

To be continued...

Details about what all happened before and after surgery...

 Now here's the more detailed story, mostly so that I can remember what all happened. You all are probably tired of hearing it.

I went to the ER on Saturday, December 4th because I was in so much pain and the on call doctor said we needed to go. He called the ER and told them I was coming. Once we arrived in the ER, they took me up to the CT scan where I was lucky enough to get to change into a hospital gown. I had dye injected into a couple different places in me. Trust me on this one, you're lucky you don't know the details. When the CT scan was done, they finally had a room in the ER ready for me so we were taken there. The doctor came in and said that he had been talking back and forth with the on call gynecologist. My dad actually knew the ER doctor. He was so nice and helpful! They did blood work, started giving me fluids, and gave me some pain medicine. As the pain medicine kicked in, I could finally unclench my jaw and relax a little. The CT scan came back normal, except that everything was not at all normal. Several doctors talked again and decided they needed to admit me to figure out what was wrong. While we were waiting for the transport people to take me to my room, we got to listen to the nurses and patients in the ER. I love eavesdropping. My room in the ER was right by the nurses station so we got to overhear everything. We watched them eat jars of homemade pickles. I'm not joking. It was entertaining to listen to all the calls from ambulances and the nurses talking about the patients. We for sure violated the privacy rules but how could we not hear them?!
Transport came pretty quickly and took me to my room on the 5th floor; the pediatric floor. I won't lie, I loved it there! Not loved it like, "let's go back", but they were so good there. I defiantly didn't like actually being in the hospital, but I'm glad I was on that floor.

To control my pain, they had me on Dilauded which is actually so much stronger than morphine. I was on this around the clock and I still was in pain.
Once I got to my room, I didn't have any more tests besides blood work every few hours. I was on a liquid diet to prepare for surgery. On Sunday night, I had to take a whole bottle of Miralax to also prepare for surgery.
My night nurse was great! She was there Saturday night and Sunday night. Since I was the only one on the floor for most of my stay, she would come hang out in my room and just talk.
I had several people come visit me once I got to my room on Saturday night, so that helped pass time. Once everyone left and it was time to attempt to sleep, it really sunk it about what was going on and where we were. My mom stayed with me while my dad and brother went home. Sleep was no where to be found. I think we slept for an hour before it was time for 2am vitals and medicine. Vitals were at 6am again, but in between then, people were in and out of my room. I wasn't scheduled to get pain and nausea medicine at certain times, so when I asked for it, the nurse would have to come see what I needed, go get the medicine from Narnia, come back and scan my bracelet and give it to me. It just took forever in the middle of the night. I would get medicine every couple hours so it was a crazy night.
My IV was in the crease of my arm, and everytime I bent my arm, the alarms would go off. This happened all night long. The alarms wouldn't shut up until the nurse came in and re-set it. We were up every few minutes because I would bend my arm in my sleep.
On Sunday morning rounds, the doctor came in and said they wanted to do exploratory surgery in the next few days. Until then, I just hung out. I was kept on a liquid diet, fluids, and pain meds. The day nurse on Sunday was fantastic! She was so funny. Early in her shift, she was bringing some medicine to me and she dropped the whole cart of supplies outside of my room. She started laughing so hard and said, "well this will be a fun day"! It really was hilarious. She made us fresh iced tea, none of that cafeteria fake iced tea. We told her about my IV setting off alarms all night so she switched it to my hand which was so much better.
Sunday was full of visitors for me which was really good! They prayed for me several times during church that day, so we had lots of people asking about me and praying. My aunt came and stayed with me and my brother on Sunday night so my parents could go out to eat. I think we watched Elf which is my favorite movie! The youth group Christmas dinner was also that night. I was so sad to miss that.

The doctor couldn't do the surgery on Monday, so insurance kicked me out of the hospital. The doctors didn't want me to go home either, but insurance wouldn't let me stay. To make it to where I could even try to make it home, they had to give me so much medicine. I remember Monday morning, but I don't remember Monday afternoon until Tuesday. We got home on Monday night I think.

They scheduled an appointment with the doctor for Tuesday morning at 8. We got there and he said how would you feel about surgery today? We said that would be great! Surgery was scheduled for 5 on Tuesday.

When we arrived at the hospital (a different one than I was admitted to) at 3 to get ready for surgery, we were told that insurance wouldn't cover anything. The hospital called the doctor and anesthesiologist and they all talked back and forth. We were so close to canceling the surgery. Like, so so close. But, God knew I needed it because he worked everything out. We decided to continue with the surgery an hour before surgery. They didn't have much time to prep me, so they rushed us around. It was crazy. They drew blood, got me in my gown, socks, and leggings so I wouldn't get blood clots, started my IVs, and got all 3 of my hospital bracelets ready. They brought in lots of IV antibiotics and started me on them before surgery. I continued to get them while I was there.
The surgeon came running in the room and said, "let's go"! And off I went to surgery. The surgeon wears high top red converse shoes with his surgical outfit. It's really funny!

I had surgery at a little surgery center and they were so great and fun to be around!

Me before surgery

Landon, me, and one of my nurses before surgery

On the way to surgery. Cute, huh?

I went to surgery at 5:10pm.

When the surgeon came out to talk to my family after surgery, he had a shocked look on his face. He could not believe what he found. He said that women come to him complaining of pain with just one of the problems I had and he would have done surgery on them. I had four problems.

My appendix was huge. My abdomen will filled with blood. There was a cyst the size of an orange. I had endometriosis. They had to make 3 good sized incisions to get everything out.

My family got to come see me in the recovery room almost immediately after surgery because I woke up fast. I was wide awake and was so ready to go home. Everyone was surprised at how fast I went home after surgery. I was sent home wearing white leggings that I had to wear for a few days to help with circulation.

Because of all the internal bleeding, I am very anemic. I'm taking iron pills to help with that. It's interesting because on all of my blood work that was done a week before my surgery (we didn't know what was wrong) I was so anemic. We should have known something was wrong just from that.

These two pictures are of me right after surgery. I'm looking good for sure! Cute hair do and outfit.                                                                                                    

Going home!!!

A week or two after surgery, we got the pathology report from my appendix and I did have acute appendicitis. That means that my appendix could have ruptured at anytime. We're so thankful that the doctors decided to do exploratory surgery. It's very strange how my CT scan and blood work showed nothing, even though I was a mess. But, God took care of everything!

"But now, this is what the LORD says-

he who created you,
he who formed you,
“Do not fear, for I have redeemed you;
I have summoned you by name; you are mine.
When you pass through the waters,
I will be with you;
and when you pass through the rivers,
they will not sweep over you.
When you walk through the fire,
you will not be burned;
the flames will not set you ablaze.
For I am the LORD your God,
the Holy One of Israel, your Savior" Isaiah 43:1-3

Christmas 2010

We had a very good Christmas! On Christmas Eve day we went to my dad's parents house with his side of the family. All of his side of the family lives either in our neighborhood, or the neighborhood next to ours. It's great to be so close! There are 7 grandchildren, of which I am the oldest. We ate, opened presents, and spent time together. The best present I got? Well, I love everything I got, this is just my favorite right now. Some sweat pants and a sweatshirt! Oh it was the best thing ever! I was wearing jeans and a nice shirt for pictures and everything but when I got those sweats I ran, okay not really- and put them on. I no longer had to stuff Kleenex's in my pants to try and reduce the pain from surgery.
Around 7:30 we came back to our house to have Christmas with just us (me, mom, dad, brother, and dog. Can't forget the dog!). We opened presents and ate some more food! We always fix appetizers on Christmas Eve at our house. I headed to bed earlier than normal on Christmas Eve because I was exhausted and hurting! We woke up on Christmas morning and went to my moms parents with my aunt! After eating and opening presents, we played Apples to Apples and some other card games. Let me tell you, the competition got pretty intense! By dinner time, I was really worn out. Usually we stay there really late and watch a movie, but this year was different.
Actually, it's been different since I got sick, but especially this year. I didn't plan on being admitted to the hospital on December 4th, the exact time when all the Christmas festivities began. I had no idea that I would have to have emergency surgery on the evening of December 7th.
Diseases don't give you the holidays off. Yes, I might have had the cysts, endometriosis, and internal bleeding if I didn't have Lyme, but the appendicitis was from Lyme. The surgeon (who isn't a Lyme doctor) even said so. So this emergency surgery was mostly, if not all, because of Lyme. Lyme causes major hormone problems, so it's likely that the cysts and endometriosis are from Lyme too. When we were told I would need surgery, I didn't even realize how close it was to Christmas. I didn't have time to think about how I would be recovering over Christmas. Even if I had realized it, it wouldn't have mattered because surgery had to happen. Lyme gives you no choices. It takes over everything and leaves you to sit back and watch because you have no control.
I know Christmas is not about feeling well. It's not about the festivities. It's not about what I physically have or don't have. But the world says it is about all that and it's hard not to think about those things. It's so hard to just be in the world, not of the world like this verse talks about. I put 2 versions of this verse just to have different wording.
"Don’t copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. Then you will learn to know God’s will for you, which is good and pleasing and perfect." Romans 12:2 (NLT)

"Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will." Romans 12:2 (NIV)

So while Christmas is a hard time of year because of Lyme from a worldly view, I will try and not conform to the pattern of the world. I will try and keep my mind focused on heavenly things.

Landon and I (and Tucker) on Christmas Eve. Notice I'm wearing my new sweats!

My bracelet with new charms! I didn't notice that this picture looks like a smiley face until someone pointed it out to me!

New duffel and makeup bag! My brother got me a journal and pen and pencil that matches these bags. How sweet!!

Oreo balls, sleepless nights, and a little more

Well I got to go to church last Wednesday! It was good to be there, but overwhelming. The energy level there is 10 times normal which is hard to deal with when you don't feel good.

Thursday night was very long. I slept for maybe an hour.

On Friday I got to go to senior lunch with the youth group and youth ministers! That is one of my favorite times of the week. It's so much fun! Then after lunch I went to see my friend at the hospital during her treatment. I headed home after that to rest. Later that night, I was able to go to dinner with another friend!

After dinner, I came home to a house full of people. We had a missions retreat this weekend at our house. The missions committee from church met at our house to discuss things. It was from 6:00-10:00 Friday night, then 9:00 Saturday morning until noon. We had lots of great food and I think it went well.
Again on Friday night I did not sleep hardly at all. Thankfully we had lots of coffee on Saturday for the retreat! Once the missions thing was over, I started to make Oreo balls for Sunday morning youth group class. I'll explain later what they were for!

Oreo Balls

Saturday afternoon/night we had thanksgiving with my dad's side of the family! It was good to get together with everyone.

We got home around 9:30 and I finished the Oreo balls. I then went upstairs thinking I would sleep since I was so exhausted. I was wrong. HGTV has saved my life. Last year when I didn't sleep for so long, I discovered that HGTV is the only channel that doesn't start the infomercials until 2am. Most channels start them earlier. Aren't you glad I enlightened you with that information? So I've watched house hunters until 2 am ever since Thursday.

It's amazing how spastic I am when I don't sleep. All through Saturday night, I just felt so spastic. Then before church Sunday morning, I drank lots of coffee and it worked for a while! I was oddly wide awake even though I had no sleep. So-about the Oreo balls. For class, 8 people made different finger foods. There were donuts, sausage balls, hamburger cupcakes, puppy chow, pigs in a blanket, cheese cake, little smokies, and chocolate covered pretzels. We had to make enough of our food for 30 people. The lesson was about how we are selfish. At the end of the lesson, Phil (youth minister) finally revealed to everyone what was covered up on the tables. No one besides the people who made the food knew what it was. In honor of thanksgiving, we had a "feast". Every person got to pick 1 think they wanted to eat. BUT there were some rules...

You could not get your own food. Someone had to ask you what you wanted, you could not tell someone to get you something. You could not get up if someone was getting your food. And you could not get food for the person who got your food. You couldn't eat until everyone at your table got their food. It was really fun and a special treat!!

I loved getting to go to church! I hadn't been in 3 weeks. My dad had to go to both services because he talked about missions and all the good things happening. For lunch I got to go eat with one of my friends! That was very fun!!

I went home to rest for a couple hours before I had to leave again. At 4, I went to the prayer meeting that the youth group has every week. It's such a wonderful time. Every week more people come. Yesterday we did something different than we have. Someone read a story from the Bible slowly, 3 different times. The first time, you are supposed to picture yourself in the story and what that would be like. The second time, you listen for 1 word or short phrase that God wants you to hear. After the second time, we shared what word stuck out to us. The third time, you listened to how God wants that word to affect you this week. After we heard it the third time, we shared how we can take that one word, and use it this week in our lives. This was the passage.

"As Jesus and his disciples were on their way, he came to a village where a woman named Martha opened her home to him. She had a sister called Mary, who sat at the Lord’s feet listening to what he said. But Martha was distracted by all the preparations that had to be made. She came to him and asked, “Lord, don’t you care that my sister has left me to do the work by myself? Tell her to help me!”

 “Martha, Martha,” the Lord answered, “you are worried and upset about many things, but few things are needed—or indeed only one. Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her.”

-Luke 10:38-42

I underlined the phrases that people said stuck out to them. In this passage, Martha is STILL preparing her home for Jesus, even when he is already there. How many times do we keep preparing for God to use us, and not focus on the present? He is already here and we are busy working for the future. The word listening stuck out to many people. We are so busy in life and don't take time to just listen. That's all God wants us to do. There is so much we learned from each other yesterday, just listening to each other talk about what stuck out and how we can apply it.

The forth step in this is to pray the word or phrase that stuck out to you, back to God and to continue to do that. It was such an encouraging time yesterday!

My brother Landon is in 6th grade. Every year, the 6th grade boys lead worship one Sunday night. Last night was that night! Landon led a prayer and did such a great job!! I'm pretty sure I could never get up in front of thousands and do that..all the boys did so good.

By the time church ended, I was feeling so bad. Once I got home, I got a migraine. Soon after that, I got so nauseous and my side started hurting a lot again from the cyst. It just suddenly got extremely worse. I cried for a long time until we could get the pain under control. I was on so much pain medicine. My vision was blurry and when I got up, I stumbled all over the place. It was a terrible feeling. It took quite a while to get the pain under control. I finally was able to go to sleep!!! I slept until 1am and was up for an hour or two but then went back to sleep. The pain is better today if I keep up with my pain meds. I had stopped taking them last week, which was a nice break from them!

 I hate that I have been on pain medicine more days than not for the past 3 months. I don't think I've gone a whole week without needing it for something. And I'm not someone who just takes it when there's a little pain. It's not worth the side effects. But I have needed them a lot. Hopefully it will all get better soon. 

As to why I've had trouble sleeping, we think it's just the Lyme. When my gallbladder started having problems, my Lyme doctor told us to stop treatments. He wanted me fully recovered before we started treatments again. Again, he stressed that for someone with an already complicated disease, removing an organ is a big deal and treatments would be way too much. So we just haven't started back on the treatments because several things keep coming up. Since we haven't attacked the Lyme in a long time, it's probably attacking and that's why I can't sleep. We are working on getting my medicine schedule so that I can start back up. Bodies can't heal without sleep. Also, did you know bodies can't heal when they are in pain? The immune system can't fight other things if you are in a lot of pain. I thought that was interesting.

I'm making another video about the past year because on December 3rd it will be 2 years since I was diagnosed and started treatment. So be looking for that! I hope you all have a wonderful thanksgiving!

"Give thanks to the Lord, for he is good; his love endures forever." 1 Chronicles 16:34

the Voice of Truth

I can't believe that it is November! My dad has been gone to Honduras with the preacher from our church since Saturday! They are also going to Guatemala tomorrow I think and won't be home until next Monday.

Last week, my homebound teacher came and we went over the plan. I'm doing one subject at a time because it's really overwhelming to try and do all of them at once. Last Tuesday I started US History and yesterday I finished the whole class!! I did 31 chapters in 6 days. I have to say that I'm very proud of that. I worked very hard!

In this world, there are so many lies and statistics that we listen to. So many things keep us back from living our life to full. Lies tell us that we can't do something. Statistics tell us that we don't have a chance. But God tells us that that we can do it and that everything is for His glory. That is so reassuring. I love the chorus of this song.

But the Voice of truth tells me a different story
the Voice of truth says "do not be afraid!"

and the Voice of truth says "this is for My glory"

Out of all the voices calling out to me

I will choose to listen and believe the Voice of truth

This song talks about all the voices telling us we can't do it. But we should listen to the only true voice, which is Christ.

The Voice of Truth by Casting Crowns
Oh,what I would do to have
the kind of faith it takes
To climb out of this boat I'm in
Onto the crashing waves
To step out of my comfort zone
Into the realm of the unknown
Where Jesus is,
And he's holding out his hand
But the waves are calling out my name
and they laugh at me
Reminding me of all the times
I've tried before and failed
The waves they keep on telling me
time and time again
"Boy, you'll never win,
You you'll never win
But the Voice of truth tells me a different story
the Voice of truth says "do not be afraid!"
and the Voice of truth says "this is for My glory"
Out of all the voices calling out to me
I will choose to listen and believe the Voice of truth
Oh, what I would do
to have the kind of strength it takes
To stand before a giant
with just a sling and a stone
Surrounded by the sound
of a thousand warriors
shaking in their armor
Wishing they'd have had the strength to stand
But the giant's calling out
my name and he laughs at me
Reminding me of all the times
I've tried before and failed
The giant keeps on telling me
time and time again
"Boy you'll never win,
you'll never win."
But the voice of truth tells me a different story
the Voice of truth says "do not be afraid!"
and the Voice of truth says "this is for My glory"
Out of all the voices calling out to me
I will choose to listen and believe the Voice of truth
But the stone was just the right size
to put the giant on the ground
and the waves they don't seem so high
from on top of them looking down
I will soar with the wings of eagles
when I stop and listen to the sound of Jesus
singing over me
But the Voice of truth tells me a different story
The Voice of truth says "do not be afraid!"
And the Voice of truth says "this is for my glory"
Out of all the voices calling out to me (calling out to me)
I will choose to listen and believe (I will choose to listen and believe)
I will choose to listen and believe the Voice of truth
I will listen and believe
I will listen and believe the Voice of truth
I will listen and believe
'Cause Jesus you are the Voice of truth

And I will listen to you.. oh you are the Voice of truth

Weekend Update!

I had a wonderful weekend! Saturday night we went to Brick Town which is what downtown OKC is called! We went with the missionary couple from Brazil and had such a great time.
Sunday was a great day too. I got to go to church!!!! The lesson on Sunday morning was so encouraging. It was about the Resurrection of Christ and what that means for us. We looked at proof that scholars that have found that the Resurrection really happened. Most of the scholars didn't even believe in Christ before they studied the evidence. For us, the Resurrection means that we will be resurrected after death and go to heaven. Once we have accepted Christ, we have assurance of heaven. Yes, there are so many trials in this life, but we can go through them with JOY because we know that they won't last. We know that in heaven there will be no death or sickness or sin. It's amazing to look at people who are suffering and see the joy and hope they have because they know that it's only temporary. We need to focus on what is ahead of us.
"So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal." 2 Corinthians 4:18
1 Corinthians 15 is so encouraging to read!
"I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world." John 16:33
Death doesn't have the final word. Sickness doesn't have the final word. Sin doesn't have the final word. Jesus already overcame those things when He went to the cross for us. We now can live with HOPE and JOY!!
"I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus" Philippians 3:14
"For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. 18So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal." 2 Corinthians 4:17-18
Sunday afternoon at 4 I had a prayer team meeting. We meet every Sunday for an hour before evening worship to pray. I can't even describe what happened this Sunday during our prayer time. God was so present and everyone had such peace. It was incredible. We all kept hearing the word purpose during the quiet times and people sharing. Usually we are done at 5 for church but this week we went until 5:30 and didn't even know! It went by so fast!! I'm so thankful for these people and their hearts of wanting to grow closer to God. Every week our prayer group grows and I can't wait to see how God uses us.
Yesterday I woke up with a migraine and was really not happy about it because I was going to take my senior pictures yesterday! Thankfully with migraine medicine and pain medicine I got it to a bearable point. Hopefully you can't see it in my eyes!
The pictures were SO much fun to take! We went downtown to some old buildings and then to a beautiful field with flowers. The weather was perfect and we were at the field at sunset which will look great!! We took pictures for about 3 hours so I was pretty worn out.
This morning I woke up and my migraine has gotten worse. I've been nauseous and so sensitive to noise and light. It's a little better after another migraine pill and pain medicine and a bath.
For the pictures, I had to sit then get up and stand then sit again and it was hard work! I even climbed up on this ledge under a bride and today I am so sore!! How sad is that?! Maybe it's from the migraine too but I thought that was funny. Obviously I'm so out of shape since I've done no physical activity for 3 years. At least it was worth the pain! I'm so excited to see the pictures.
I read this story today and I thought I would share because it's a great example of our purpose in life. We are not here for us. We are here to help others.
The Heart



"Tomorrow morning," the surgeon began, "I'll open up your heart..."


"You'll find Jesus there," the boy interrupted.


The surgeon looked up, annoyed "I'll cut your heart open," he continued, to see how much damage has been done..."


"But when you open up my heart, you'll find Jesus in there," said the boy.


The surgeon looked to the parents, who sat quietly. "When I see how much damage has been done, I'll sew your heart and chest back up, and I'll plan what to do next."


"But you'll find Jesus in my heart. The Bible says He lives there. The hymns all say He lives there. You'll find Him in my heart."


The surgeon had had enough. "I'll tell you what I'll find in your heart. I'll find damaged muscle, low blood supply, and weakened vessels. And I'll find out if I can make you well."


"You'll find Jesus there too. He lives there." The surgeon left. The surgeon sat in his office, recording his notes from the surgery, "...damaged aorta, damaged pulmonary vein, widespread muscle degeneration. No hope for transplant, no hope for cure. Therapy: painkillers and bed rest. Prognosis:, "There he paused, "death within one year."
He stopped the recorder, but there was more to be said. "Why?" he asked aloud. "Why did You do this? You've put him here; You've put him in this pain; and You've cursed him to an early death. Why?"


The Lord answered and said, "The boy, My lamb, was not meant for your flock for long, for he is a part of My flock, and will forever be. Here, in My flock, he will feel no pain, and will be comforted as you cannot imagine. His parents will one day join him here, and they will know peace, and My flock will continue to grow." The surgeon's tears were hot, but his anger was hotter. "You created that boy, and You created that heart. He'll be dead in months. Why?"


The Lord answered, "The boy, My lamb, shall return to My flock, for He has Done his duty: I did not put My lamb with your flock to lose him, but to retrieve another lost lamb. YOU" The surgeon wept.. The surgeon sat beside the boy's bed; the boy's parents sat across from him. The boy awoke and whispered, "Did you cut open my heart?"


"Yes," said the surgeon.


"What did you find?" asked the boy.


"I found Jesus there," said the surgeon.


Author Unknown