Tuesday, December 23, 2014

Christmas time- All is well

This year, Thanksgiving was different, and Christmas will be too. It's the first year that both of my grandparents are gone. I know they're having the best Christmas in Heaven, but we miss them so much. This picture was at Christmas several years ago. I love how my grandma and grandpa are laughing in this picture. 

The past week has been very challenging. On Tuesday, a week ago, I was in Walmart and I had a big seizure. I was alone but people saw me and called 911. I was unconscious until the paramedics got there and then I started to wake up. My back and neck hurt so they put me on a backboard and a neck brace. They kept trying to start an IV but never could. They got me in the ambulance and gave me a sedative through my nose since they couldn't get an IV.  My parents were called and were meeting us at the hospital. The hospital is literally across the street from Walmart. They got the seizures stopped and I was able to go home that night. 

I'm now not allowed to drive because of my seizures. I'm going to be seeing a neurologist here in OKC on Dec. 31st. 

It's so frustrating because since our trip to Nevada in September, I had been doing so much better, and then Tuesday happened. 

I'm so tired. Tired of being sick. Tired of taking medicines just to be able to function, tired of the hospital, tired of missing out on things. Tired of hurting.

When people ask what I want for Christmas, I don't know what to tell them. I want to wake up on Christmas without pain. I want to wake up on Christmas morning and not have to worry about the fatigue that might make me cut family time short. I want to go just one day without needing nausea or pain medicine. I just want to be better. 

Even though I want all of this so badly, I know that we have already been given the best gift we could ask for. We have been given the gift of Christ. Through Him, we have been given hope. Through Him we have been given joy. Through Him we have been given peace. Through Him we have been given a promise. We have been promised that if we follow Him, we WILL be healed one day from everything. My one Christmas wish has already been granted, even though it might not happen in this lifetime.

I think sometimes we think that we should just trust God's plan and that is enough. That is true. But it's still okay to ask for a miracle and for God to heal us on earth. God wants us to ask Him.

"Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." Philippians 4:6-7

"And whatever you ask in prayer, you will receive, if you have faith.” Matthew 21:22

This year I will be more thankful for the gifts and thoughtfulness of people. I will be more thankful that we are here with family and friends. I will be more thankful for the gift of Jesus and what that means for us.

So really, this Christmas, I have what I wanted plus much more. I just have to change my perspective. If I hadn't gotten sick, I might still be wrapped up in the earthly things around this time of year. I am so blessed to have this new perspective, even though we wish things were different.

I love this song because all is well because of Jesus. We WILL be healed one day, even if not on this earth. And while that's so hard to accept, we just have to trust in God's perfect plan.

"Hear the heart of Adam's prayer
In the hold of Satan's snare.
But there is hope, and grace will tell:
God has a plan, and all is well.

Every son of Adam's race
Felt the grip of Satan's chains;
When the Lamb came to Earth's cell,
He broke the chains, and all is well.

All is well! All is well!
Praise the Lamb! All is well!
He holds the keys of Death and Hell!
Jesus reigns, and all is well!

To the cross I will come,
A sinner weak and undone.
God will break the tempter's spell,
And I will sing for all is well!

With this cup, with this bread,
We proclaim Your death.
The cross was raised and evil fell;
Death has died, and all is well!

All is well! Praise the Lamb! All is well!
He holds the keys of Death and Hell!
Jesus reigns, and all is well!"

"He who did not spare his own Son, but gave him up for us all--how will he not also, along with him, graciously give us all things?" Romans 8:32

So this year, our Christmas will be different without my grandparents. There will be two empty seats at the table. And I sure would have thought that by now, 6 years after I was diagnosed, that I would be completely better. But as I'm learning each day, all is well. Jesus was born to die so that we could have eternal life and be forgiven of our sins. All is well. 

Things haven't gone like I planned, but it's not my plan to begin with, it's God's. Things don't seem to be well right now. But even through it all, I'm able to say "even so, it is well with my soul"

I hope you all have a Merry Christmas and enjoy spending time with your families!

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