Monday, November 29, 2010

Why I'm still not in school.

I get asked this question a lot. "Why can you do other things, but not go to school?"
I hate when I feel like I have to validate how sick I am, but I completely understand why this doesn't make sense to people.
Again it has to do with an invisible illness. If people see me out, they assume I'm 100% better and feeling good. This is not the case.
I cannot go to school for several reasons.
  • I constantly run fever. You can't go to school with fever or you'll get sent home.
  • My immune system. Do you know how much sickness is in school? I can't afford to catch every cold and flu that goes around.
  • Weakness. There are days that I can't do anything but lay there. I can't even shower because I'm so weak, much less walk around the whole school, climbing stairs, and carrying books.
  • Fatigue. This isn't just "I'm tired fatigue". It's wow! My body just isn't working.
  • Brain problems. I hate the words brain fog because it sounds like a made up excuse. But my concentration, memory, and just brain function has decreased. I'm doing well if I can work on school at home for 30 minutes at a time.
  • Medicine. I have been on pain medicine most days for about 3 months now for various things. I can't go to school on Loritab. Bad idea.
  • Medicine schedules. Whether it be IVs or mixing liquid meds or taking them every hour sometimes, that just can't happen in school.
  • Doctors appointments and tests. I have so many appointments and tests that are during school time. I've spent 11 weeks at my doctor in Nevada. You can only miss school for a few days each semester.
  • General feeling. I can no way sit in school everyday because of pain, fatigue, migraines, dizziness, chills, fever, body aches, and different symptoms. Imagine trying to go to school or work EVERY day with the flu.
  • Sleep issues. Generally, I am sleeping better. I still have nights where I don't sleep because of pain and other things. To be able to walk around the whole school and climb the stairs in the school, you need to be rested.
  • ER trips. I go to the ER a lot. Sometimes during the day, sometimes at night. Sometimes I stay overnight. Again, I would miss so much school, that I wouldn't get credit for any of my classes.
Now, the reasons I can do some things like go to church, go out to eat, and things like that.
  • They are only a couple of hours. Unlike being in school, if I don't feel good, I don't have to go anywhere. If I get somewhere and I don't feel good, I can just go home. You can't do that with school. I would not get credit because I would miss so much.
  • Most times, going to church is the ONLY thing I do all week. I have to prepare by resting the whole week so that I can go to church on Sunday. The recovery period after that one day is then all week. When people see me out, they don't realize that that is the only time I have left my house all week.
  • I'm allowed to be on medicine when I leave my house, unlike at school. Sometimes the only reason I can leave my house is because of pain medicine. I know that sounds bad, but it's true. Whether it be pain medicine for migraines, or general body pain, I'm forced to take it or I'll end up in the ER.
I hope this helps you understand more about day to day life for me. If you have any other questions, just leave a comment or email me and I'll answer them!


  1. I don't know why exactly this is happening to you, sweet Victoria!! But, I do know that you have given glory to God continuously as long as the Smiths have known you. That does not go unnoticed by your Father. Faithfulness through adversity just makes sense. We have no where to go but to Him. You do that publicly (Website) and, I'm sure, privately. You are truly an inspiration. I'm glad to say you are my younger sister in Christ. I honor you!! Hang tight

  2. You do a really good job handling all of this (though I know it is not always easy to stay positive). It breaks my heart that you have to go through this, but please know you are always in my prayers.

  3. You inspired me so much already. But before reading this post I don't think I had any real idea of the enormity of what you're constantly experiencing. I am truly filled with admiration for you. You are such an inspiration.

    Sorry I've been so bad on keeping up with your blog lately - I'm in the process of catching up right now. Thank you for your lovely comment on my recent post, and for the link to the song, I hadn't heard it before but it's beautiful!

    Keep smiling x x