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Saturday, November 28, 2009

A year ago

A year ago if you told me that I would still be sick today, I wouldn't have believed you. I knew there was no way that I could still be sick. But here I am today, still sick. No, I didn't want this. But God has renewed His promises every day. Some days it is easier to act like everything is normal. But then there are those days that reminds me how horrible this disease is and what it has done to my life. I just want to say really?! Is this really happening?

We live in a culture that says we're supposed to always hide our struggles and be fake. If we never talk about our struggles, how can we tell others what God has done in our lives or even realize what God has done in our lives?

The past holidays have been days with lots of food and games. Then there was this year.. Diseases don't take breaks for the holiday's or your birthday or work around your plans.. They are a constant reminder of the reality of sickness.

This year, I didn't have an appetite so eating wasn't something to look forward to, which I hate because I love food! I love all food and before I got sick I ate all the time. It's weird to get nauseous even if someone just mentions food. I'm the oldest of my cousins but I couldn't really play with them because I was in too much pain or too tired. I had to spend today hooked up to an iv pole and I cried because of the pain.

And yet, despite all of this, I am more thankful than I was a year ago. No, none of this is fun or what I asked for, but I am SO blessed. I have hope about something better. I know that one day I won't have to deal with all of this in heaven. I am one of the luckier ones with this disease. I don't have seizures or paralysis which is something to be so thankful for.

I'm very blessed and thankful for everything God has given me. A lot of times I forget what I do have because I focus on what I don't have.

Days like today just remind me of how much my life has changed in the past year. Lot's of bad things have happened and are still happening. But spiritually, more good has come out of it than bad. Yes, there are lots of days when I just say "why?!". But I'm learning to trust God in every situation and remember His promises because He is so faithful and never lets us go.

The days seem so long since I can't sleep. It's 6:15am and I still haven't gone to sleep. I'm so worn out. So please pray that I will be able to get some sleep in the next few days.

Last night I was upset about being sick on Thanksgiving and I looked at the sunset and was reminded of God's awesome power and peace that He gives. I love all the reminders He gives us.


These are some of my cousins! They are great!




When the Tears Fall by Newsboys


"I've had questions, without answers
I've known sorrow, I have known pain
but there's one thing, that I'll cling to
You are faithful, Jesus You're true

when hope is lost, I'll call You Saviour
when pain surrounds, I'll call You healer
when silence falls, You'll be the song within my heart

in the lone hour of my sorrow
through the darkest night of my soul
You surround me and sustain me
my defender, forevermore

when hope is lost, I'll call You Saviour
when pain surrounds, I'll call You healer
when silence falls, You'll be the song within my heart

and I will praise You, I will praise You
when the tears fall, still I will sing to You
and I will praise You, Jesus praise You
through the suffering still I will sing

when hope is lost, I'll call You Saviour
when pain surrounds, I'll call You healer
when silence falls, You'll be the song within my heart

oh yes, You are good to me
You've always been good to me
so trustworthy

when hope is lost, I'll call You Saviour
when pain surrounds, I'll call You healer
when silence falls, You'll be the song within my heart

and I will praise You, and I will praise You
when the tears fall, still I will sing to You
(I will sing to You) I will praise You,
Jesus praise You through the suffering
still I will sing

how faithful and true
sustain me through and through
You are hope and truth
You're my spring of living water
You're my spring of living water

in the lone hour of my sorrow

who springs never fail
be faithful and true
like...
like a spring it never fails
you're my spring never fails"
"For I hold you by your right hand—
I, the Lord your God.
And I say to you,
‘Don’t be afraid. I am here to help you." Isaiah 41:13
"Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the LORD your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you." Deuteronomy 31:6
Thank you so much for all your prayers.

1 comment:

  1. Victoria, I have been praying for you this afternoon and tonight. I saw your dad at Wal-Mart and he told me about this post...You are fighting this illness, yet you are showing such a vibrant, trusting faith in the power of our mighty God. You are a real encouragement to me when I read your words and realize everything you are going through right now. So I thank God for your giant faith, and I thank Him for staying beside you, helping you through. And I am begging him to heal you and let you use the wisdom you have gained from this trial to share with others. You are precious, and thanks so much for sharing...Many prayers, Mary Seat

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