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Thursday, April 22, 2010

No more cardiologist visits....

This post is going to have a lot in it so I hope it doesn't get confusing...
Yesterday we headed up to the hospital for my cardiologist appointment. We checked in and waited. Then we waited some more. Then the nurse called us back!! But she only did my vitals...they still didn't have a room for me. My parents and I play a fun game called "predict my vitals"! We take bets on what my blood pressure and heart rate is. Unfortunately, we didn't play yesterday...Finally we got into my room over an hour after my appointment was scheduled. Next, I got to change into those adorable hospital gowns. Let me tell you, if you have never gotten to wear one, you are missing out the luckiest person alive. We knew what was coming next. The nurse came in to do an EKG.
Soon after that, the cardiologist came in. We talked for so long. He said that since I can't handle beta blockers or any other medicines he has given me, that there is nothing he can do. He started a sermon about how we just have to deal with things and get over it. I always complain about how hard and fast I can feel my heart beating 24/7. Then when they put me on medicine I complain because my blood pressure is too low. So he said that if I can't deal with that, that we just need to figure out what to do ourselves and that we really don't need to see him anymore. Has HE ever had this?! I can't just ignore my extremely hard and fast beating heart or ignore almost passing out and not being able to get up because of my low blood pressure. He also insists on me getting off my sleeping medicine because he believes that is what's causing my heart problems. He decided he wanted an ECHO (ultrasound of the heart) done right then. So we went across the hallway to the ECHO place. He looked at the results and they were fine. He is a very nice doctor. I understand why he can't do anything, but it still makes me mad. Every doctor does this to me. "I'm sorry, we don't know why this is happening and we can't do anything about it. Good luck!" I'm tired of hearing that!!! I guess it's good that I don't have to see him anymore. One less doctor to deal with.
So I'm not taking the beta blockers or any heart medicine. I'm also slowly getting off my sleep medicine. I NEED that sleep medicine. It's the only thing that has helped and trust me, we have tried everything. Today I started back on the long list of liquids and pills. We are going to be talking to my pain management team since they are the ones who put me on the sleep medicine. They told that they know how horrible it is when I don't take the sleep medicine so they are trying to think of something else to do. That's where we are right now. It's frustrating having so many doctors tell you so many different things and make you decide what is right. Usually that's WHY you go to a doctor. After my appointment I broke down walking down the hall to the elevators. I don't know why, but it just makes me upset when I have another doctor tell me there's nothing he can do and I just have to deal with it.
Here are 2 songs that I really love. They have great messages.


The Power of Your Name by Lincoln Brewster
"Surely children weren't made for the streets

And fathers were not made to leave

Surely this isn't how it should be

Let Your Kingdom come



Surely nations were not made for war

Or the broken meant to be ignored

Surely this just can't be what You saw

Let Your Kingdom come

Here in my heart



I will live

To carry Your compassion

To love a world that's broken

To be Your hands and feet

I will give

With the life that I've been given

And go beyond religion

To see the world be changed

By the power of Your name



Surely life wasn't made to regret

And the lost were not made to forget

Surely faith without action is dead

Let Your Kingdom come

Lord break this heart



Your name

Is a shelter for the hurting

Jesus Your name

Is a refuge for the weak

Only Your name

Can redeem the undeserving

Jesus Your name

Holds everything I need"




Until The Whole World Hears by Casting Crowns

Lord, I want to feel with Your heart
See the world through Your eyes
I want to be Your hands and feet
I want to live a life that leads


Ready yourselves, ready yourselves
Let us shine the light of Jesus in the darkest night
Ready yourselves, ready yourselves
May the powers of darkness tremble as our praises rise


Until the whole world hears, Lord, we are calling out
Lifting up Your name for all to hear the sound
Like voices in the wilderness we’re crying out
And as the day draws near, we’ll sing until the whole world hears


Lord, let Your sleeping giant rise
Catch the demons by surprise
Holy nations sanctify
Let this be our battle cry


Ready yourselves, ready yourselves
Let us shine the light of Jesus in the darkest night
Ready yourselves, ready yourselves
May the powers of darkness tremble as our praises rise


Woah, woah, sing until the whole world hears
Woah, woah, sing until the whole world hears

I want to be Your hands and feet
I want to live a life that leads
To see You set the captive free
Until the whole world hears
And I pray the day will see
More of You and less of me
Lord, I want my life to be
The song You sing

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