Wednesday, March 30, 2011

Update - Wednesday Night

Today I got the usual Vitamin C IV and fluids. I got another breathing treatment, which is helping my coughing.

I woke up in the middle of the night coughing so much and gagging from it, so I was up a lot. Im very tired today.

We are trying to figure out another plan to get my pain under control. The IV Demerol that I've been getting isn't working as well, since my body is getting used to it. I've had it almost everyday for 3 weeks now. Also, the morphine pills aren't working very well. So today I got a double dose of Demerol, and tomorrow I will again if I need it. We're probably going to switch my oral pain medicine too. My body has built up such a resistance to pain medicine because I've had to have so much, that it takes a lot to relieve my pain. Sometimes I feel like everyone is mad at me because I need so much medicine. I know it's not my fault, and I can't help it. It just seems like everyone gets mad at me because Im getting some strong medicine, and still hurting.

We actually got to leave the clinic early today! We left around 6.

Tomorrow I am supposed to start the push. It is a shot that goes in a vein, and stimulates the immune system. Lyme is very tricky at hiding from the immune system, and even shutting it down. So when you show your immune system that the Lyme (or any bacteria. The push works for anything) is there, it fights to kill it. Because it's so overwhelming and the toxins are so strong, you get a reaction. Usually I get a high fever, pain down to my bones, body shaking everywhere, migraine, nausea, and weakness and pain to the point where I can't walk or move much. This can last all night, and if it's a bad reaction it can last for days. It brings out your worst symptoms, and magnifies them to an almost unbearable degree.

Because of all the pain I am already in, the doctor wants me to stay at the clinic for the push. Usually you get it around 4 and then immediately go home to get ready for the reaction. It takes about an hour to hit after you get the shot. So I will get mine a little earlier, and stay there because they are a little worried about how my body will handle it, since it's really intense. Every night you are encouraged to go up a dose on the push to get a better reaction, but sometimes it's just too much. To tell you how strong the medicine is, they give people ONE drop of it, and they will react for days. That's what happened to Grayson, the boy my age here. It threw him into seizure like activity for days. He is not doing the pushes anymore, they will wait till things are more stable.

Sometimes the pain and shaking are so bad, that you have to stop the reaction. It won't stop the pain, but it stops the shaking. You have to take a bath of Apple Cider Vinegar, and it draws the medicine and toxins out. I've done that lots of times.

For me, the first thing that happens when I get the push is that deep inside me I start to hurt, and it feels like ice is running through my veins. Then, the shaking and fever starts and last a couple of hours. Next, the horrible pain that makes me not even want to move hits as your temperature rises. A lot of times I have to sit in the dark because of the migraines. Sleep does not happen because of the pain and fever and shaking. It makes for very long days and nights. Then you get to do it all over again the next day!

It really is terrible, but I have no choice. I came here to fight, and I have to do it. If I want to get better, this is what needs to be done. The push is so good for everything in your body, whether it be viruses, bacteria, scar tissue, and things like that. It just takes a lot of pain and suffering to get there.

There's a song, but I can't remember the name of it but I love one of the lines. It says, "You never said it would be easy, but you said you'd see me through the storm". I love that.

"I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.” John 16:33

Please pray for me as I start the push tomorrow, and that the reaction isn't very severe. I'm pretty nervous, since I'm already hurting so much, but they will monitor me and give me things as I need it.

Tonight I noticed that my abdomen is very swollen all over, so we need to have the doctor look at and see what's going on. We also have an appointment with him tomorrow to go over everything.

I hope you are having a good week so far! I know I say this a lot, but thank you so much for the prayers and encouragement! It helps me so much. As you can imagine, it's very lonely out here, so I love the messages from home.


  1. I literally don't know how to express how much I admire you, am inspired by you and by your faith, and how much strength you show. Your attitude is INCREDIBLE. You are such a fighter. Keep fighting!!

    I'm sorry you feel like people are mad at you. I bet it's not true. How can it be? You didn't do anything wrong. You are doing a LOT of amazing things, all the time! I bet people are just frustrated that it's not working so well anymore. But at the situation, not at you!

    I am PRAYING for you as you start the push, I hope your reaction will be bearable - update us when you're up to it. Lots of love xxxx

  2. VICTORIA! Your name say it all. You will be victorious! We pray for you all every day and especially for you to experience complete healing. Your attitude amazes me. You have had to experience so much for such a young person. It has given you wisdom beyond your years. We will continue praying as you fight. You can do it!

  3. I'll be watching the clock with you today. You can do it!! You always do. Just think, so many people praying for you. Love ya always!

  4. Victoria,

    This is Lisa, Rebecca Jacobson's mom. You are indeed inspiring. I am praying for you.